408,327
edits
The 'Shroom:Issue 111/My Best Friend: Difference between revisions
The 'Shroom:Issue 111/My Best Friend (view source)
Revision as of 09:10, February 18, 2021
, 3 years agoText replacement - "(C|c)olor-link-piped" to "color-link"
m (Text replacement - "(C|c)olor-user" to "user-color") |
m (Text replacement - "(C|c)olor-link-piped" to "color-link") |
||
| Line 5: | Line 5: | ||
<div style="border:10px solid rgba(0,0,0,0);background-color: #fff6e6; border-radius: 25px; color: black;"> | <div style="border:10px solid rgba(0,0,0,0);background-color: #fff6e6; border-radius: 25px; color: black;"> | ||
"I just want my friend back," is something I've uttered many times in my life as I've lost a lot so many. I lost a friend to religious fundamentalism as I was slowly drifting away from Christianity and starting to explore my own ideology and beliefs, and things only went more sour after I came out as trans. One of my closest friends and work colleagues I lost because her Visa expired and she had to return to her home country, although we still sporadically stay in contact over Facebook. Just two weeks before Easter this year, one of my longest friends abandoned me over a single mistake I made, despite my constant apologies and pleads with her to please forgive me. But never did I think I would lose a friend, let alone a best friend, to death... the thought never crossed my mind, despite how often said friend and I would talk about {{color-link | "I just want my friend back," is something I've uttered many times in my life as I've lost a lot so many. I lost a friend to religious fundamentalism as I was slowly drifting away from Christianity and starting to explore my own ideology and beliefs, and things only went more sour after I came out as trans. One of my closest friends and work colleagues I lost because her Visa expired and she had to return to her home country, although we still sporadically stay in contact over Facebook. Just two weeks before Easter this year, one of my longest friends abandoned me over a single mistake I made, despite my constant apologies and pleads with her to please forgive me. But never did I think I would lose a friend, let alone a best friend, to death... the thought never crossed my mind, despite how often said friend and I would talk about {{color-link|zeldawiki:User:Axiomist|blue|Axiomist}} on ZeldaWiki, another user who tragically passed away unexpectedly. | ||
[[File:DippyWalkazoTribute.jpg|thumb|right|I love you, Walkazo... then, now, and forever...]] | [[File:DippyWalkazoTribute.jpg|thumb|right|I love you, Walkazo... then, now, and forever...]] | ||
But going back many, many years before, {{user-color|Walkazo|blue}} first joined the Wiki on July 27th, 2007, just two months after I had joined. We weren't super close initially, and indeed, I had resigned from my position as an administrator long before she would eventually see her time in the spotlight on January 29th, 2009, when she was promoted to System Operator. What made her promotion so special was that she was the first female user to be promoted to an administrative position on the MarioWiki, not counting me who was still identifying as male at the time, or Grapes/Smiley the Hun, who was only promoted very briefly as an accident. It was quite something, and she damn well earned that position with her insane devotion to maintaining the wiki and writing up policy, which would eventually see her promoted to bureaucrat on July 22nd, 2011, almost four years after she first joined the Wiki... it was almost poetic she was promoted by one of her closest friends on the wiki at the time, {{user-color|Stooben Rooben|blue}}. | But going back many, many years before, {{user-color|Walkazo|blue}} first joined the Wiki on July 27th, 2007, just two months after I had joined. We weren't super close initially, and indeed, I had resigned from my position as an administrator long before she would eventually see her time in the spotlight on January 29th, 2009, when she was promoted to System Operator. What made her promotion so special was that she was the first female user to be promoted to an administrative position on the MarioWiki, not counting me who was still identifying as male at the time, or Grapes/Smiley the Hun, who was only promoted very briefly as an accident. It was quite something, and she damn well earned that position with her insane devotion to maintaining the wiki and writing up policy, which would eventually see her promoted to bureaucrat on July 22nd, 2011, almost four years after she first joined the Wiki... it was almost poetic she was promoted by one of her closest friends on the wiki at the time, {{user-color|Stooben Rooben|blue}}. | ||
| Line 30: | Line 30: | ||
:''[23/03/2016 12:17:59 PM] Walkazo ワカゾ: I'll take your word for it'' | :''[23/03/2016 12:17:59 PM] Walkazo ワカゾ: I'll take your word for it'' | ||
This was the last conversation I ever had with her... I didn't even say goodbye since I was so distracted playing video games like an asshole. At the very least, my last conversation with her was a happy, funny one, however short it was, and even if it was just me sharing with her some dumb conversations between me and {{user-color|Banjonator1|blue}} concerning 4Chan's music board, /mu/. She was a good sport like that, listening to me harp on about shit she didn't really understand... I've been playing {{color-link | This was the last conversation I ever had with her... I didn't even say goodbye since I was so distracted playing video games like an asshole. At the very least, my last conversation with her was a happy, funny one, however short it was, and even if it was just me sharing with her some dumb conversations between me and {{user-color|Banjonator1|blue}} concerning 4Chan's music board, /mu/. She was a good sport like that, listening to me harp on about shit she didn't really understand... I've been playing {{color-link|wikipedia:Overwatch|blue|''Overwatch''}} a lot lately, and while it's fun, I can't help but feel depressed while playing it since it's exactly the sort of game I would gush to Walkazo about, and she would just listen and ask questions like a perfect friend would. I wish I had extended the same courtesy to her more often about her birds, but I always thought I'd have all the time in the world to talk to her... Hell, even the new Pokémon {{color-link|bulbapedia:Rowlet (Pokémon)|blue|Rowlet}} fills me with equal parts joy and sadness because as cute as it is, I lament that Walkazo, with all her deep affections for birds, will never be able to see it. | ||
[[File:RickandMorty.jpg|thumb|right|Walkazo lived by this quote. It was her favourite part of ''Rick and Morty''.]] | [[File:RickandMorty.jpg|thumb|right|Walkazo lived by this quote. It was her favourite part of ''Rick and Morty''.]] | ||
I've been told before that while death becomes easier to cope with over time, the first sudden death of someone so close to you will permanently scar you and stay in your mind... it just becomes easier to cope with over time. I don't doubt that. I can't think of a single day since her passing that I've not thought about her in some capacity, sometimes in a positive light, sometimes it's more to grieve, but either way she will probably stay with me to my own unfortunate demise. Walkazo could be bossy, pedantic, judgmental, and very impatient at times, but damn it all if she didn't do her best to make those she cared about feel loved and appreciated... and she had more of an impact on my development as a person than she would ever know. It was her who first accepted my gender identity when I came out as trans; it was her who introduced me to the beautiful world of science; it was her who stood by my through my worst bouts of depression and anxiety. She put up with all my whingy bullshit even as she struggled herself with finances, school, career... so much of who I am is thanks to her, and I just hate that it's only after her passing that I've come to fully appreciate that. Looking back through our old conversations, we had this exchange just a week before the incident... | I've been told before that while death becomes easier to cope with over time, the first sudden death of someone so close to you will permanently scar you and stay in your mind... it just becomes easier to cope with over time. I don't doubt that. I can't think of a single day since her passing that I've not thought about her in some capacity, sometimes in a positive light, sometimes it's more to grieve, but either way she will probably stay with me to my own unfortunate demise. Walkazo could be bossy, pedantic, judgmental, and very impatient at times, but damn it all if she didn't do her best to make those she cared about feel loved and appreciated... and she had more of an impact on my development as a person than she would ever know. It was her who first accepted my gender identity when I came out as trans; it was her who introduced me to the beautiful world of science; it was her who stood by my through my worst bouts of depression and anxiety. She put up with all my whingy bullshit even as she struggled herself with finances, school, career... so much of who I am is thanks to her, and I just hate that it's only after her passing that I've come to fully appreciate that. Looking back through our old conversations, we had this exchange just a week before the incident... | ||
| Line 43: | Line 43: | ||
:''[20/03/2016 11:46:13 AM] Walkazo ワカゾ: Thanks. And you have me.'' | :''[20/03/2016 11:46:13 AM] Walkazo ワカゾ: Thanks. And you have me.'' | ||
Out of respect to her lack of religious faith and devotion to science, I choose not to give out any platitudes of her "being in a better place" or "being in heaven/nirvana/whatever," since she wouldn't believe any of that for a second. The two of us often spoke of our belief in Joyful Nihilism, that particular idea that there is no inherent meaning or purpose to life and that we are only here by pure accident and not because we have anything to accomplish in life... so fuck it, enjoy yourself! She grew more attached to this ideology as she began watching {{color-link | Out of respect to her lack of religious faith and devotion to science, I choose not to give out any platitudes of her "being in a better place" or "being in heaven/nirvana/whatever," since she wouldn't believe any of that for a second. The two of us often spoke of our belief in Joyful Nihilism, that particular idea that there is no inherent meaning or purpose to life and that we are only here by pure accident and not because we have anything to accomplish in life... so fuck it, enjoy yourself! She grew more attached to this ideology as she began watching {{color-link|wikipedia:Rick and Morty|blue|''Rick and Morty''}} in the weeks before her passing, and we both took a lot of comfort in the idea that the universe in general was an uncaring, indifferent force that doesn't care if the results of its chaos hurt or help you, and that therefore there's no real reason to get hung up on "unfortunate circumstances" that we might find ourselves in. So that end, believing that there was any purpose to her death or that she's still around watching over us feels disrespectful to her memory, at least for me... and I want to honour her the way she would've wanted. But of course, she also would've wanted others to remember her and grieve the way that's most comfortable for them, so by all means, you do you. | ||
I loved you so much, Walkazo, and I always will... you were, are, and always will be my best friend. You will always have a place in my heart. | I loved you so much, Walkazo, and I always will... you were, are, and always will be my best friend. You will always have a place in my heart. | ||