Director's Notes
Welcome to another Fake News! First of all, I would like to commend Tucayo for doing a fantastic job with this issue and the Mafia game. I would also like to apologize for the 9,001st time for messing up said Mafia Game.
Thanks to all the writers who have applied lately, including those whose applications have been denied.
If you want to write for us, please follow these instructions:
- Find the section you’d like to write. The current openings are for Fake Games and Character Battle. Character Battle requires image editing skills.
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After you send me the message saying you want to write for the Fake News, I will send you the questions you need to answer. Please remember that the current open positions are Fake Games and Character Battle. After sending me your section, the other ’Shroom staff members and I will look at it, and we will make sure your section is good to go. After that, you’ll get a reminder each month telling you to send in your section.
Happy Holidays!
Travel Guide
Visit Pagoda Peak! It's got Sticky Buns and a lot of Kung Fu. You can even meet the famed Koopa Master! If you please him, he may even give you a t-shirt with his face on it! This item can not be found in stores. But wait, there's more! You can also get a Bottle Rocket, absolutely free! Master Koopa also calls people "young cricket." Wouldn't want some people to hear that. The best thing about visiting the Peak is that it's nearly impossible to get lost on the way. Other than that, there's not really much else to say about the place so...
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty!
Fake Music
by BluePikminKong497 (talk)
Koopin Park has released their latest single; "Ain't No Ledge High Enough," which is already #2 on mTunes. The hit song, about Mario jumping very high, will be released on their new album next month. So, without further ado;
Drums....
I've been fighting For many years Killing Bowser And shedding tears Saving the princess Doing my best I can jump Whereever I want
Cause there ain't no ledge thats high enough Nowhere that I can't jump And if I fall down I will think Think about how to get back up Cause I know Yes I know That there ain't no ledge high enough for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Thank you for listening, and I, BPK, will see you later!
Fake TV
by MrConcreteDonkey (talk)
Over the Mushroom Kingdom, a crime ignored by many is committed. About 20 innocent Goombas are attacked everyday. While some work for Bowser in the Koopa Troop, most are peaceful, innocent nobodies citizens like you and me. The show Goomba Rescue is about a team of Toad cops who go around and protect these Goombas.
The team is made up of 4 Toads and their chief, PC Sweat T. Police T. (terrible name, I know). The show is on Mushroom Channel every Friday at 12PM and weekends at 12PM and 1PM. In the upcoming episode, the team find a Goomba being beaten up by an angry Gearmo, a group of Goombas being stomped on, and a Goomba being forced to listen to Justin Bieber. These shocking actions are nothing compared to the worst the team have seen, which is too immoral to put here. That never stopped me before (I mean, the Bieber thing, come on 0_o), but sometimes Goombas don't make it, and end up flat on the ground, soon to be made into some sort of cheap carpet or snowglobe, probably sold in Toad-Mart or at a Black Market, made by a fat lumberjack and his 120-year-old assistant. Or maybe they just magically disappear. But that's boring.
The show is sponsored by many Goomba saving charities, such as the Toadette Goomba Fund and the Bowser Jr. Haters Club. The families of the Goombas, or the Goombas themselves, if they make it through, talk about their experiences, how their lives have changed, and how Goomba abuse must stop. The show is very sensitive, having won many awards. Over 90,000 Goombas watch it every year, and even more members of other species. In summary, Goomba Rescue is a very depressing and uplifting show, and has helped many Goombas across the whole Mushroom Kingdom.
Fake Police Blotter
by Scorpion999 (talk)
- Who: Tatanga, Rosalina
- Where: Comet Observatory
- What: Kidnapping, murder of 2 Lumas
- Why: Reason for kidnapping unknown.
- When: Approximately: 7:09 PM Beanbean Standard Time
The Comet Observatory was found badly damaged in the Beanbean Kingdom. Two Lumas were dead and the rest were unconscious. Rosalina was missing, and a purple T was found burnt on the Map. From this evidence, as well as an interview with a Luma, we believe Rosalina has been kidnapped!!! Tatanga's whereabouts are unknown, so we asked questions about him to his former employer, Wario. He said Tatanga was dead. However, an interview with Daisy proves him false. She says Tatanga is a regular threat in Sarasaland. If Tatanga is caught, he will be charged with murder and kidnapping.
Cooking Guide
by Baby Mario Bloops (talk)
Well hello everyone, this is BMB here to give you a long awaited issue of the Cooking Guide! I am here to bring you elated users a special double event show for today. Yes, we have been awaiting this long for it, and I missed last month since it is near the holiday season, that is the reason I am doing it now. Hopefully this will work out well this month.
Sorry, but I decided that since it is our first special show, that we don't bring out a guest. But let me annouce both desserts at one! We have the....Lovely Chocolate and Golden Choco-bar!!!!! Two chocolate delights to bring the holiday joy.
Okay, let us do some color changes to keep our dishes seperated. Since I will be doing both at the same time, this will surely be helpful to all.
Golden Choco-bar
Lovely Chocolate
Both
* Mild Choco Bean
* Golden Leaf
* Fire Burst
* Bowl and Spoon
* Non-used Candy Wrapper/Heart-shaped mold
* Stove and Stove pot
* Fridge
- For both, head over to Downtown of Crag and got to the Itty Bits store there, and buy two Mild Choco Beans. There's nothing to it, as long as you have a Dottie.
- For the Golden Leaf, just find a Amazee Dayzee and beat it up until it drops one. It shouldn't take THAT long to get one, just avoid it's chaotic singing.
- For the Fire Burst, you could go Jumpman style and adventure until you find one, or just buy one in Flipside for a reasonable price.
- Head to the kitchen and start taking out all you need as listed above.
- Mix the ingredients (separately!) in a bowl, and stir until it is much like pudding.
- Heat each batch of respective recipes separately over the stove in a pan. That will allow the sugar to melt and add flavor. It should only take about 1 hour to cook.
- Use the wrapper/mold to fill in your ingredients with how they look professionally.
- Place in the fridge for about 3 1/2 hours, and then take it out to thaw slightly.
- Now you have a delicious double to snack on whenever you want to.
Hopefully I didn't go too much Christmas-like this month; I didn't even use red or green! Oh....wait.....(duh)...see you next year!
Fake Ads
by Gamefreak75 (talk)
“SOCKS!?” “UNDERWEAR?!?” “PENCILS AND PAPER?!”
Are these the gifts you get constantly every Christmas? You beg your parents to get you Kirby’s Epic Yarn, but instead they give you yarn socks. You ask for Donkey Kong Country Returns, but instead you get nothing more than DKCR underwear. You ask for Sonic Colors, but all they give you are a box of colored pencils with the name SONIC scribbled on it.
You never get what you want. Nothing ever goes your way. It’s about time that things went your way.
Well, this Christmas, buy yourself the Dizzy Dial! This amazing blue thing of mysterious proportions is…well…mysterious. And it’s blue! And it’s swirly!
Next time, don’t ask your parents for the game you want. You’ll end up with the same rubbish. This Christmas, force them into getting the game you want by means of the dial. Yes, the dial.
What’s that? How much does it cost? Well…
You see, it’s a one-use item, but it has .0001% chance of failure and only costs 50 coins in stores! Amazing, am I right?
What are you waiting for?! BUY IT NOW.
…
You fools don’t seem convinced.
*pulls out a Dizzy Dial and uses it*
YOU ARE NOW UNDER MY COMMAND! YOU WILL BUY AS MANY DIZZY DIALS AND BRICK BLOCKS. YOU WILL NOT WAKE FROM THIS TRANCE UNTIL YOU HAVE BOUGHT AT LEAST 500 COINS WORTH OF MERCHANDISE.
Interview
by Baby Mario Bloops (talk)
Welcome to the last interview of the year!!! (Applause)! This is BMB, like always, here to handle the most important show on here (I think). Just as earlier in the issue, I am going to do a team thing instead of the standard alone thing that is now starting to get monotonus. We will be doing two polar opposites of each other, which are Lava Piranha and Naval Piranha! Let us bring to what could possibly be extremely dramatic...
Lava/Naval: Quit shoving me!
Baby Mario Bloops: Welcome you two, I see you have never met before.
Lava: What's it too you? This weakling right next to me can't even match my strength, yet I still have to share it with him?!?
Naval: Who are you calling weak, at least I have been in more appearances throughout the games than you have! Come on, you were just a boss in one game. Lame.
Lava: Why I outta-
Baby Mario Bloops: Look, both of you, I see that you two aren't that very friendly with each other, but we need to get this show running. I only have a certain amount of space I can fill.
Naval: Then just settle this, why bring us together? Are you nuts?
Baby Mario Bloops: Fact that you are polar opposites means great ratings, but the fact of how alike you two are!
Lava/Naval: (Gasp) Take that back!
Baby Mario Bloops: No, it is the fact that both of you seem to hate Mario, are both the same species, and even have nearly the same appearance. And...
Lava/Naval: And.....?
Baby Mario Bloops: Well...the fact that you both are not being used much. Fading into obscurity you could call it.
Marioguy1: That's a million dollars for using that title in your section.
Baby Mario Bloops: Fine, we'll talk about it afterwards, I'm doing a show, can you leave!?!
Marioguy1: I shall be back for my money...
Baby Mario Bloops: He is just mad that he keeps on dying so early in those mafia games. Back to the issue, yes, you guys are not appearing much, nor are you that major!
Lava: You mean to tell me that even though I have protected a Star Spirit, and have two forms, and many heads that I'm not as hot as I thought?
Naval: And that even though people have looked up a cheat to defeat me in one hit, it never went farther than that?
Baby Mario Bloops: Unfortunately, that is exactly what I mean.
Lava/Naval: You're fibbing, aren't you? You can't be seriously.
Baby Mario Bloops: Well, most Paper Mario bosses only appear once, and that is one of it's games. As for Naval Piranha, you are just another piranha plant that Kamek happened to use his magic on.
Lava: Why do I have to be less cool than I thought?
Naval: Why do I have to be less hotter than I thought?
Baby Mario Bloops: Now do you see that both of you aren't that different, and opposites do attract?
Lava: Well...
Naval: Let's seeeeeee.....
Lava/Naval: NOOOOO!
Lava: That this fireball, it is all your fault that I am no fame, doppleganger!
Naval: What are you talking out? I appeared first, you made me lose interest! Enjoy this squirt of water!
Baby Mario Bloops: Ugh, can someone get the pest control and take them back to Lavalava Island and wherever Naval Piranha belongs?
Pest Control: I'm here, come on you two, let's go.
Baby Mario Bloops: Phew, got that done, hopefully they don't get mixed up, because man would that be horrible. Hopefully you guys found that interesting enough to give me a ranking above 5/10 so that I can continue doing this show! Let's hope I see you all next year!!!!
Fake Sports
It has been announced that the 2022 Bowser Cup will be held in Dry Dry Desert! This decision was made following a vote last week. The candidates included Diamond City and the Mushroom Kingdom, both of which have far more people and many state-of-the-art stadiums that could be used. Instead, Dry Dry Desert will host the tournament, and many new and extremely expensive stadiums will be built, only to dismantle them following the tournament. The committee also overlooked safety concerns such as Pokeys and these chickens that have exploding crap. Bowser, head of the committee said, "well, our entire committee is made of complete idiots who think Russia is a continent. It's also completely rigged, but we just turn a blind eye to that and pick the worst venue possible instead of a legitimate one." Reasons for the odd location of the tournament given by members of the committee included "they paid us", "we're morons" and "this has no resemblance at all to Qatar getting the 2022 World Cup." They also said that the giant tornado and vortex found on the racing course may play a part in the event.
Fake Characters
by DyegoHalliwell IceMario12 (talk)
Hola America, Asia, Africa, Oceania y otros que leen The Shroom.
It's DyegoHalliwell (Dyego Simpson Halliwell Russo for short) or IceMario, with two of the things that everyone has expected, oh, sorry, just one: The December's Issue of The Shroom!
There are potential bloggers that are trying to make me say what was the second expected thing, so I'm gonna say it, it was Joe singing to Demi "I wanna get back" but Demi is in rehab, and Joe died 345 seconds ago, sorry bloggers. Returning to the issue:
This month, the enemies have their turn to appear but footless.
Hyper-Rolling Mecha Koopa
This brand new enemy is the special, stupid, footless, Rolling MechaKoopa. He is known for being addict to the potions, and this weakness, made him an Hyper-Rolling Mecha Koopa. This new class of Mecha Koopa was made for a top secret game: Super Mario Galaxy 3. The only advantage of this enemy, is that, when he charges his attack, he makes you invincible. His most powerful ability is Drivingyoucrazy, which means you can't defeat him at least you want to make a deal with Bowser and die in the try (?). If this Mecha Koopa gives you hell when rolling, just sing about it and stop bothering Luigi.
Olite Parooctemba
Made for Paper Mario: The 3D Adventure, is the Olite Parooctemba, but with some fails, he has no wings, no feet, and no other power than Headbonk. This new Goomba was made by a Shadow Toad, who wants revenge for being confused with Black Toad. But he left his new Goomba half-made cause Black Toad killed himself. Olite Parooctemba can be found in Brainless Town, and can be defeated by throwing water at him, or telling him "a simple Octoomba". He can shapeshift to any being without wings or foots, meaning, himself with different colors, and different voices. Beware of him when becoming a 2.5-D Goomba, or he will be Supervincible.
A final message for readers, hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy new year See you all on January's Issue.
by MrConcreteDonkey (talk)
Yoshi the Red Nosed Reindeer
Yoshi the Red Nosed Reindeer is the son of a Yoshi and Tap-Tap the Red Nosed, which ovbiously explains while that Yoshi is still in extreme agony. Unlike regular Yoshis, this special Yoshi is able to fly. He also has antlers, apparently due to an extreme accident, where God (or whoever your god is if it isn't God) put them there. I have been asked to put it across that this was most certainly not a stupid joke and the Yoshi is a half Yoshi, quarter Tap-Tap, and half reindeer and that was also not mathematically inaccurate. If you don't want to see the image, he's a Green Yoshi with a glowing red nose and antlers.
However, this Yoshi's significance is yet to come. One day, Santa Claus caught swine flu and couldn't deliver any Christmas presents. So everyone got sad and it caused a huge depression, until this Yoshi was caught on someone's mobile phone camera falling onto a tree and getting stuck by his antlers in the tree. It soon spread to the Internet, and everyone laughed and forgot that they were sad. And so, every Christmas, some guy remembers this Yoshi. He also helped pull Santa's sleigh when all his reindeer got swine flu, but that doesn't matter much.
Weirdo the Mole and his Cheap Effects
Nobody in the Mushroom Kingdom knows exactly who this guy is. Even I don't, and I'm writing about him. He is apparently a Monty Mole. He speaks like Professor E. Gadd, so he is very creepy. One day he just appeared and acted like him and Mario knew each other. He is made of metal. Apparently people start listening to him because his eyes tell them to.
On his stomach, he has a face. The face has been seen opening its mouth and blinking, but nobody has heard its voice... It looks just like the face on the Koopa Clown Car and ovbiously has been cropped very badly from that. He also has cheap emboss and invert effects that could have been from Paint. Currently, he lives in the moat in Peach's Castle's grounds. One day, he got a Metal Cap, but, unsure what to do with it, he ate it. He then went for one of his regular swimming trips in the Cavern of the Metal Cap, but he turned metal permanently. Then, a huge wave knocked him down the waterfall.
In conclusion, this guy is really creepy. Avoid him at all costs if you value your sanity.
Fake Shop
by Super Mario Bros. (talk)
Come one, come all! Welcome to my shop review, where I review shops from all across the land! This month, I am reviewing Toad's Shroom House! Here's the ad that Toad runs in his local community (Toad Town):
Mushrooms are said to be extremely tasty, just ask the heroes of our kingdom, Mario and Luigi! The brothers have used mushrooms on their adventures, and look at how successful they are! They always win. You, my friend, can be as successful as them, if you purchase Toad's mushrooms.
What makes my mushrooms better than other shops' mushrooms, you ask? Well, I make sure that the mushrooms I sell are fresh and I make sure not to sell anything poisonous to my consumers, while other desperate stores will do anything to make money. In this economy, it is hard to find an honest producer; I am one of the few out there that you can trust! Take a look for yourself!
Indeed, they make their products sound good, but are their items really that great? Well, here is what they have to offer:
| Item | Item Name | Cost | Description |
|---|---|---|---|
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His products look extremely healthy and/or helpful. Toad provides wonderful and thorough descriptions of all of his products (he describes how they help, what thy do, and additional benefits). Also, the prices for his items are indeed rather low in comparison to how much they cost in other parts of the Mushroom Kingdom. Overall, I'd say that Toad's Shroom House is definitely the store to visit if you happen to be heading into Toad Town.
Ask Tucayo
Hello good readers! I am your sexy Koopa host, Tucayo, with another issue of your well-loved, Ask Tucayo! We have got a record-number of questions this time! Remember, if you want to ask me something, just follow this link! Now, to this month questions:
Q: What's your favorite game(video or real-life)to play?
--KoopaTroop
A: Hello there! I’ll go with a video game, I can’t just decide for one, so I’ll give you two. Super Mario World and Ocarina of Time. Both are great games, and the first one is actually the first game I ever played Smiley
Q: Hi Tucky! Have you ever think in retiring? Also, what do you think of the fact that Stoob is winning at the Director Election 2010?
--Mario Fan 123
A: Hi! Yes, I have thought of retiring some time during 2011. *checks calendar* The 2010 election is happening as you are reading this, and Stooben isn’t running, so I don’t know what you tried to ask.
Q: Besides gaming and going online, what do you do in your spare time?
--Ralphfan
A: Hi Ralph! I normally read, watch TV, or listen to music. Those are 3 things I love to do. I also go out often, to the movies, to Starbucks, etc… To make this answer longer, my favorite books are Fiction novels, like Harry Potter, Narnia, or the Inheritance Cycle (Eragon). And my favorite artist is Coldplay, I like Alternative music. Oh, and in Starbucks I order a… umm…. You don’t have this flavor in the US, I have checked. I actually think you don’t even have a word for it in English…. Milk Candy Cream Frappuccino. I don’t like coffee Tongue
Q: What TV shows do you watch?
--Ralphfan
A: Oh look! Ralph! I like watching music videos, preferably VH1, I don’t like MTV much. 2 shows I love are Saturday Night Live, and The Ellen DeGeneres Show, although I have to watch the second one in my iPod. I also watch sports often.
Q: What do you think about Mario Sports Mix having Final Fantasy characters playable along with characters from the Marioverse?
- WigglerWhoopinWarrior
A: Ohai. I love crossovers, I know some people don’t like them at all, but I absolutely love them, so I think this is really good, and I hope that for a future game they add more series characters available.
Q: Who do you think is a cuter partner in Paper Mario, Sushie, or Bow?
-IandaM
A: Cuter, huh? Well, at first I thought Sushie was a he, but then I found out he wasn’t. Bow isn’t exactly cute, she is meh. I think I choose Sushie, because she does look cute, her fins, and all.
And that is all for another issue of Ask Tucayo! Remember, YOU make this section possible and fun! Keep sending questions! BYE!