The 'Shroom:Issue 201/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers, and a very happy holiday to you all! Getting the Fake News offices decorated for the season is a little trickier than you'd expect, mostly because all-purple Christmas trees and light strands aren't exactly in high demand. We're doing the best we can, though.
We're still recovering from the massive Issue 200 here at The 'Shroom (if you didn't read it, please check it out!) but I'm happy to say that we still have a decently sized Fake News for you! Almost all of our regular sections made it in, except for Consumer Corner, which will be back in the thick of things soon enough. We also have two guest submissions of News Flush for you to enjoy as well, one from ClawgripFan9001 (talk) and another by yours truly! Be sure to check them out!
You may also notice that I've done some reorganization for the sections this month, so hopefully you like it. If you do, feel free to let me know, and if you don't, also feel free to let me know! If you don't care at all, well, you can tell me that too, if you want.
What's a better way to start off the new year than with a brand new 'Shroom section? If you're interested in joining the Fake News team, head on over to our sign up page which has all the information you'll need to get started! We also take one-off volunteer submissions with no application needed for sections like News Flush if you have an idea but don't want to commit to a full section right now. If that's the case, just send it to me privately and I'll help you with it!
Section of the Month
With the most sections ever featured in a team last month, there was a lot of really good stuff to pick from! As far as I'm concerned, everyone who helped to make Issue 200 special is a winner, but let's take a quick look at the votes anyway. Coming in first is GBA (talk) with a guest return of Horrorscopes! Hopefully our resident Shaman will enjoy looking at yet another SOTM trophy for his collection while eating those sandwiches. TheBlueCatMenace (talk) took second place with a special edition of The Sunshine Travel Guide that took us through an entire galaxy's worth of travel destinations! Finally, in a third place tie we have Shoey (talk) with a guest edition of Our Leaders covering the history of Bowser's lesser-known brother Blue Bowser (with amazing art contributed by TPG (talk), might I add), and Dear Waluigi Time with advice on dealing with unwanted Wonder Effects, distracting city officials, and being gimmicky. Thank you for voting, and please be sure to continue supporting our wonderful team of writers with your votes!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Horrorscopes | 11 | 19.64% | GBA (talk) |
| 2nd | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 8 | 14.29% | TheBlueCatMenace (talk) |
| 3rd | Our Leaders | 7 | 12.50% | Shoey (talk) |
| 3rd | Dear Waluigi Time | 7 | 12.50% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
Written by: Claw Gripstofferson (talk)
RATIGATOR DUNDEE RELEASES NEW MOVIE IN THE REAL WORLD!
We've got news from the stars in the Real World for you today as famed Australian movie star Ratigator Dundee has released a new movie in his movie franchise of the same name. The movie, titled “Ratigator Dundee IV: Shadow of the Ratigator” has recently come out in cinemas across the Real World on December 6, 2023.
Ratigator Dundee first rose to stardom in 1989 with his first movie, “Ratigator Dundee”, which follows the protagonist, Ratigator Dundee as he moves from Australia to the United States to capture the most extraordinary creature he had ever witnessed and fall in love with a beautiful American woman. The movie became a box office success and paved the way for two more sequels, with the sequel, “Ratigator Dundee II: Ratigator Returns” releasing in cinemas in the Real World on June 21, 1992 and the second sequel “Ratigator Dundee III: Ratigator Forever” releasing in cinemas in the Real World on February 17, 1998.
Following his success as a movie star throughout the late 80s and the early to late 90s, Ratigator Dundee withdrew from the movie industry for the next two decades to live a more quiet life on a ranch in King County, Georgia, USA. But after the COVID-19 pandemic of 2020 and 2021 as well as several other hurtful Real World events, Ratigator Dundee decided to dust off the old planning board, get his camera crew back together and start making a new movie in the franchise that set him for life during the 80s and 90s.
Ratigator Dundee has said in an interview that he wanted to try and make people happy for a while by making this new movie, stating that the Real World has had seen many, many hard times over the last three years, and that the Real World needs some joy once more, which is how the idea for the fourth Ratigator Dundee movie came to be.
“Ratigator Dundee IV: Shadow of the Ratigator” was met with positive to mixed reviews from film critics and moviegoers alike, and as of the time of writing this article, it has seen a relative success at the box office. We at The 'Shroom wish Ratigator Dundee all the best with his future movie endeavors.
Welcome, dear friends, to the dawn of a new era. Issue two zero one. The third century of the ‘Shroom. We stand on the cusp of an age we know not yet what it shall bring. Let us take our first few tentative steps into this uncharted land of the Great Two Hundreds. We may build great cities of words, embark on grand discoveries of articles, and achieve enlightenment by the next centenary. Or else we may cast ourselves into the pits of darkness, watch false speech and foul paragraphs ravage and ruin our Shroomly legacy. It is a great risk we take, but time, in its numerical chronology, must march ahead. So onwards we go, in hope of glory, to this brave new age.
And where better to start than with a special Christmas edition of TV Tomorrow? Here’s the top three festive programmes from the Mushroom Kingdom showing tomorrow!
Rathaus
Party Channel, 11pm
Genre: Surrealist sitcom
Plenty of shows have Christmas specials this year, as per usual, but due to the MKWGA strike in the autumn they haven’t had much time to write decent ones. So they’re all a bit lukewarm and cuddly and banal, perfectly acceptable fare but hardly amazing. The exception to this is of course Rathaus, the critically-acclaimed surrealist sitcom which doesn’t have ‘banal’ in its dictionary. A cult hit since its debut in November 2021, the fever-dream show about two Scaredy Rats attempting to govern their deeply strange town returns with a Christmas special episode tomorrow, which promises to be just as weird as usual - eager to win their town the award for best Christmas decorations, the Rats disguise themselves as Snow Bunnies to sabotage a rival wintry village, only to unexpectedly start melting after a snap heatwave. Delirious, hugely funny, and somehow still full of festive cheer.
Outmaway: The Story of a Very Grumpy Boy
MKBC1, 6.30pm
Genre: Family Christmas special
If you are looking for something a bit more traditionally Christmassy, though, there’s nothing better than Outmaway: The Story of a Very Grumpy Boy, a special half-hour animated adaptation of the classic Mushroom Kingdom picture book. Sort of their equivalent of the Grinch, the story follows Outmaway, a rude, self-serving little scoundrel who goes about kicking any people and things that dare obstruct his path - until one day he finds himself up against a wall that just won’t budge… A charming story beautifully made, and despite its target audience of young children, certainly visually interesting enough for adults too - ideal Christmas family viewing.
Rosalina’s Magical Holiday Spectacular
MKBC1, 8pm
Genre: Live variety show
Last time Rosalina hosted a live televised show in the Mushroom Kingdom, it didn’t go too well, a disastrous attempt at a magic show filled with technical hitches and awkwardness. But MKBC have put their trust back in her for their Christmas variety show spectacular, largely because she’s agreed to lend them the Comet Observatory as a venue for the event, which looks fantastic. There’s a solid slate of performers here too, featuring chef-turned-stand-up comedian Zess T., the Shy Guy Ballet, the Piranha Plant Choir, Funky Kong as a funky DJ, and a showstopping song from Birdo. Plus Rosalina has promised she has rehearsed her magic act this time. All in all, it promises to be a thrilling few hours of entertainment, well worth tuning into.
And so, we have ventured, blindly yet with great confidence, into this new dawn. One small step for ‘Shroom, one giant leap for ‘Shroomkind. May this next hundred issues bring us majestic prosperity in future; for now all we can do is wait, for the new year, the next issue, and the appearance of another TV Tomorrow in January. Until then, though, hope that everyone has a great Christmas!
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: Hooded Pitohui, Eggsman, and Reverse Input
Dear Waluigi Time,
I'm considering leaving the holiday decorations up into January this year. I think they could be a nice mood booster in the earliest weeks of the year, a little extra source of joy to help me start the year off right. What do you think? Is two weeks into January too long to leave them up? Should I do it at all, or will it look lazy or tacky?
-Hooded Pitohui
Two weeks? Is that all? I say go for it, but consider leaving them up for three weeks... four weeks... a month, two months, maybe! What better way to get your year started than with a massive boost of festivity! Sure, people driving might by might think you're weird for having dancing snowmen and candy canes in your yard at the end of February, but one thing I've learned is that you shouldn't care about what other people think! Except for company shareholders, or your boss, or your spouse, then you might want to care a little bit.
A word of warning, however. The world is full of grinches! If you keep the decorations up for a long time, you might happen upon a scrooge who tries to ruin your holiday fun, or even worse, those pesky homeowner's associations. I mean come on, you spend all that money on a house and then they try to tell you when you have to take your Christmas decorations down and they'll fine you if you don't? How ridiculous is that! That's why I'll be running for king of the Mushroom Kingdom as soon as I can figure out how to get the monarchy to start holding elections.
...Where was I going with this? Oh yeah! Defensive measures! I'm talking about automatic snowball turrets, robotic nutcracker guards patrolling the grounds - it has to fit with the theme, obviously - all that good stuff. Just be careful setting it up, these sorts of things can be touchy and you don't want them going off on you or the mailman. Hm, maybe that could be my new side business...
Enjoy your bonus holiday cheer!
Dear Waluigi Time™,
Recently, a Wubba somehow invaded my house and I am now taking care of it, but recently, he's been looking sick, what should I do about it.
Sincerely, a Wubba enthusiast
Well, I'm not too familiar with Wubba physiology, so I turned to my expert! He's not too familiar with it either. (He's better versed in species common to the Mushroom Kingdom and Dark Land, you see.) So uh, with lack of training in Wubbology, the study of Wubba, I'm just going to guess a little bit!
First, you should probably find out if your Wubba is actually sick. You say he looks sick, but I looked up a picture of a Wubba and they're lime green. That's a pretty sickly looking color, but they always look like that! So if your Wubba is just green I think he's probably fine. If you're pretty sure he's sick, continue to the next paragraph.
So... Wubbas. They're gooey. Kind of moist, probably? It could be a dehydration issue. Make sure your Wubba is getting enough fluids, but not too much because that usually makes bad things happen. Or maybe it's more of a toxic foreign substance thing. When you're that gooey you probably get stuff stuck to you that you probably shouldn't, right? Check your Wubba for anything that looks non-Wubba. You may need to wash it off or extract it with a pair of tongs or something if it's embedded further than the surface.
Worst case scenario, I guess you can always just throw Megavitamins at the problem (literally!). I'm not sure how treatment usually goes in the Flower Kingdom, but that always seems to do the trick around here. Just find the nearest headlamp and labcoat wearing person and they'll get you all set up. Or better yet, find a trained medical professional!
Well wishes to your Wubba!
Dear Waluigi Time,
Sometimes I don't have the time to always answer people's questions with the nuance and thought that I believe they deserve, and I end up with an enormous pile of questions that will never be answered. What do you like to do to cope with occasions when you get too many questions piling up?
-An Ask Thread procrastinator
Good thing I'm answering this one in timely fashion. Wait a minute this was sent back in August?! I mean, I was delaying this answer on purpose so that I could really feel your struggle, you know? Yeah, totally intentional.
I suppose continuing to ignore it and inevitably making the problem worse probably isn't quite the sage advice that you're looking for, is it? In that case, my advice is to throw chronology out the window! First come first serve works fine when you're waiting in line, but when you're trying to dig through a backlog of questions, it just complicates things. Tackle the shorter and/or easier questions first, that way you'll have less work to do later and it won't feel quite so daunting. Better to focus a lot on one big question at once than to have to focus on one big question and a million smaller questions at the same time. There's no shame in breaking work up into smaller chunks to make it more manageable.
Or, you know, if you don't care that much about answer integrity, you could always outsource some answers! Grab a buddy to help you or just turn to complex blobs of code to pump out answers! You know I went to do a Tiptro search today and they have an AI that you can ask questions now? Makes me wonder if I'm overpaying for keeping Shbeeg running over here. (Seriously, do you know how many boxes of cereal I have to sell to offset one energy bill? It's crazy.)
Best of luck answering your questions!
Got a question you want answered? Stop by the forum thread for this section, or contact me on my talk page!
Mushroom Tribune
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
This article sourced from the Mushroom Tribune, a sister publication serving the Toad Town metropolitan area with local news which goes uncovered by the national networks.
Proposed Beetles Are Us Expansion Causes Ecological Concerns
An announced expansion of popular tourist attraction Beetles Are Us has raised concerns over the affects it could have on local ecosystems. Beetles Are Us, operated out of Seaside Town by Snifster #7 under the direction of Lord Booster, has long been an attraction for the town and a summer gig for tourists and residents alike. The premise is simple. For a one-time fee that covers the costs of a Beetle Box, customers could then hunt Booster Hill for Beetles (a well-known favorite of the eccentric Booster). Snifster #7 would then purchase those Beetles on behalf of Lord Booster, paying one coin for a common female, fifty coins for the more uncommon male beetle, and a Frog Coin for the rare Golden Beetle. This program, which has been running for years, has proven to be quite popular with youths, many of whom would catch Beetles during their summer breaks to make some extra cash. In addition, to soothe any concerns for the Beetle population of Booster Hill, Lord Booster, through the efforts of his Snifster apprentices under the direction of Snifster #5, promised to release a portion of pregnant beetles back into the wild in an effort to keep the Beetle population of Booster Hill healthy and stable.
For years this system worked perfectly. Booster got Beetles for his collection, local citizens got extra cash, and, thanks to conservation programs, the Beetle population remained stable. All of this has been threatened with change thanks to a newly announced expansion of Beetles Are Us. Booster announced that a new location will be opening up in Rose Town to be operated by Snifster #6. This new location will operate under a similar premise as the one in Seaside Town but will instead focus on collecting the many different kinds of Forest Maze Beetles. This has raced sharp concerns of what this could do to the insect populations of the Forest Maze as well as the wider forest ecosystem. We reached out to Professor Filbert Koopenberg, lead entomologist at the University of Goom, who expressed his concerns:
I believe this is a very dangerous and poorly thought out proposal from Booster. For starters, the systems that make the current Beetles Are Us work so well simply won't work in the Forest Maze. The dryer, rockier Booster Hill only attracts two types of Beetles, the common beetle and the Golden Beetle. And because of the higher altitude, those beetles tend to fly out in the open, making them easier to catch. Because of this, you aren't having to trample over habitats in the hunt for beetles, unlike in the Forest Maze, a deep, dense forest with many more types of Beetles and other insects. Because of that, I worry that people will be trampling through the forests, destroying nests, capturing the wrong insects, and just disturbing the natural balance of the Forest Maze. Then we have to consider the effects of what happens if, through a careless mistake, the Beetles of the forest get introduced to Booster Hill or Booster Pass. After all, right now, if the Beetles escape, it's no harm no foul. They're native to Booster Hill anyways. But there are many more types of Beetles in the Forest Maze and we don't know what would happen if they were introduced into the Hill. Of particular worry is the Ringo Beetle, a particularly aggressive and hungry beetle that's currently held in check by being a favorite food of the Forest's Wigglers. But we do not know if there is such a predator in the Hill or the Pass. And the odds are quite good that doing this would lead to invasive beetles escaping into the Pass or into the Hill. All it would take is for them to either escape from the Beetle Box or for the wrong species to be released, and you could be looking at an ecological disaster. Because of this, I do not believe we should allow this expansion. The consequences, while admittedly at this point unknown, could be disastrous.
Beetles Are Us, through a statement from Snifster #1, disputed Professor Koopenberg's concerns, saying that, much like the current system, they will apply rigorous standards to make sure that customers understand what they're looking for. Among other things, they will include educational pamphlets spelling out the types of Beetles they're looking for, how to store them, and what their natural habitats look like. Snifster #1 also announced that, much like the current system, a portion of the beetles captured, as well as pregnant beetles, will be rereleased back into the Forest Maze to keep populations stable. For more on this controversial proposal, we turn to veteran columnists Hooded Pitohui and Shoey.
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Frankly, Professor Koopenberg's analysis of this proposal and the risks it carries are spot-on, and this expansion must be stopped in its tracks. Here, we have a classic case of assuming a model that has been fine-tuned to work in one ecosystem will function just as effectively in another, and this assumption ignores critical factors that render the safeguards used in Booster Hill insufficient for protecting the Forest Maze and for protecting participants in the Beetle-catching program. As Koopenberg correctly notes, searching for Beetles in the dense Forest Maze will by necessity require the disturbance of a great deal of habitat. Be it peeking into bushes, careless searchers uprooting mushrooms, or descending into stumps, an active search for Beetles will require invasion of the habitats the Forest Maze's wildlife depends upon, and no pamphlet in the world will ensure searchers take the precautions necessary to minimize their impact on these habitats. We should not be evaluating this on the basis of the no doubt dozens of responsible searchers who will make an effort to conduct their searches responsibly, but on the few who will act carelessly and recklessly in an effort to earn coins quickly. This doesn't even get into the danger posed to searchers! Booster Hill is arid and at a high elevation which leaves it relatively devoid of large, dangerous species. What should a seeker of Beetles do if they encounter an angry Wiggler, or find themselves confronted by a Buzzer? Will Booster take responsibility if, Stars forbid, an Amanita turns a searcher into a mushroom? I fear this system does not prepare searchers for the dangers within the Forest Maze. I call upon Rose Town to quash this expansion. If Beetles Are Us wishes to expand into the Forest Maze, it needs to rebuild from the ground up a system actually suited to the Forest Maze, perhaps with great emphasis on passive traps. |
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I must say I find these warnings from Professor Koopenberg to be overblown and bordering on dangeously reactionary. The facts are that Beetles Are Us has been a solid operation for years now. While, yes, Booster is eccentric, and, yes, a lot of the things he does makes no sense, like building a toy train line that connects from Booster Pass to Booster Hill, but, despite that, Booster has built a very successful beetle catching operation. A lot of people forget that, while, yes, now Beetles are being examined at Booster Tower, when Beetles Are Us originally opened, Beetles that were caught had to be taken all the way back to Seaside Town for examination. And, yet, despite the distance traveled, there are no cases of Booster Hill Beetles being accidentally released along the way from Booster Hill to Seaside Town. There are zero reports of Booster Hill Beetles being introduced to the Seaside ecosystem. The fact is that Booster, through the efforts of his Snifsters, has a number of precautions in place to make sure no Beetles escape. Professor Koopenberg can't even prove that something bad might happen even if one of these Beetles did escape. Should we really shut down this opportunity based on the hypothetical chance that something might, at some point in time, may or may not happen? As for trampling through the forest, should we ban the act of mushroom hunting? Don't those people, by the act's nature, have to "trample" through the forest in order to collect mushrooms? Yet for hundreds of years, people have been going through the forest collecting mushrooms for medicinal purposes and we've yet to have an "ecological disaster," now have we? Now, as for my colleague Hood's assertion that people could be hurt while traveling through the forest, first off, a Trueform Pin is an extremely cheap survival tool sold at almost every town shop. Second, even if they were to be turned into a mushroom, science has proven that the effect wears off in an hour at most. Beetles Are Us has long proven to be a win-win for everyone involved. It gets money into the pockets of regular citizens, it helps promote the conservation of Beetles, and it lets Booster's weird Beetle collection expand. We shouldn't be taking away opportunities based on hypotheticals that, as of now, are based on speculation and not hard data! |
Sprite credits: Sonik (tSR), Lakituthequick
Episode 2
Pyrokles the Magikoopa stands in front of a rather small audience, this time without Mario, holding his pet skull Kroop.
Pyro: Hello again and welcome, you poor, logic mortals, to another Sorcery Show! And, before you ask, no, I did not manage to take over the world. As you may have noticed. Well, there were some... rather unexpected problems...
Kroop: But Iiiiiii knew it! When you were making the evil potion, *I told you* the Waluigi Time Cereal doesn't go well with the...
Pyro: Oh, stop this bony babbling! I´ve got a show to host, and your discussion skill is as dry as your whole body! Oh wait, you don't have a body, heheheee...
Kroop: Hey, no dry jokes about m...
Pyro: WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY IS that, well, it didn't work, and I guess you can be happy about it. Because that means there is going to be more shows! I was nearly there, with your inspiration and my GENIUS...
Kroop: We can take over the world, yeees, of course... I bet he's going to have a new "genius" idea any second, and it will be a legendary fail again... Like these zombies. They stink.
Pyro: Oh, I have an idea!
Kroop: See? You should have all ran while you still had the chance.
Pyro: No, no, it is a WONDERFUL idea. Let's give this world a Christmas present that it DESERVES!!!!! HEEEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!
Kroop: Ok, what. Did I miss something?
Pyro conjures up a huge pile of Christmas presents, floats it above the audience and lets it drop onto them.
Pyro: Go on! Open them, merry Christmas to all of you (heeehehehahaa)!
Kroop: No no no no no don't...
A few people start to open the presents and the others do as well. They stare at whatever is inside, then stare at Pyro with strange cartoonishly swirly eyes.
Pyro: This, Kroop, is my newest new world conquering plan - nobody can withstand presents!
Pyro snaps his fingers and the audience, unwillingly but forced, all start to do exactly the same funny dance.
Pyro: Look how pretty it is! Hypnosis via colourful wrapped Christmas gifts, a true masterpiece!!!!!
The people suddenly freeze mid-dance as thunder booms in the sky.
Kroop: Er, Boss, it seems like it stopped... Maybe because conquering the world makes sense?
Pyro: Oh no, right, I always forget... I mean, it would be logical for me to remember the most important things, so I don't! It's a real dilemma!
Kroop: Hmm, they are all just standing there and staring. But they won't listen to your commands either, you seem to have lost control over your magi... you know what.
Pyro: Oh. Well, as I seem to be currently powerless, we will need to find another way to get these guys back to normal. First thing we'll try: DESTROY THE PRESENTS!!!
Kroop: But how?
Pyro: Eat 'em, Kroop, bite in and make 'em burn! HEEEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Kroop: No. I am most certainly not eating paper.
Pyro: Oh, don't worry, these presents are not from paper, they're...
Kroop: Ok, I don't want to hear it and I don't want to eat them either. We'll have to try
something else.
Pyro: Well, I could just try...
"Yes!" Pyro shouted. "I did it! I bent reality!!!"
"Whhhhat???" Kroop answered, completely baffled by the spontaneous reality change.
"Well you see, I shouldn't be able to do this. Buuut I am, because, it doesn't make sense!!!" Pyro shouted triumphantly.
"But doesn't that mean there are no limits at all to magi... I mean this THING?" Kroop responded, sounding quite incredulous.
"Nah. You know, that would make sense again. Actually, it's both and none, according to the swip-swap theorem of non-logic. Oh look, I bent it even further!" I said.
"What are you doing??? You're completely uprooting space and time!!!" he cried, hopping up and down in my hand. A few people in the audience woke up out of their trance.
"Yes, it's working! And now, watch, as I completely invert it all!!!" I hadn't not cried, not not laughing maniacally.
"Noooooo, what are you doing! This is so weird!", Kroop didn't not cry and didn't not jump invertedly onto the inverted floor. All of the audience hadn't not woken up already and was not not not not barfing invertedly, which wasn't not the grossest thing ever to happen.
"It's not not wonderful!" Pyro shouted. Meanwhile Kroop was not not having problems thinking of a way to end all this, because he doesn't not not have a brain, as already not not said at some point in the future.
Then he didn't not have an idea. "Pyro, will you please stop??? I have got really bad headaches, it feels like the original Mario is stomping on my brain even though I don't even HAVE a brain!" I said.
"But why should I?" Pyro laughed. The headache wasn't not not not becoming more and more intense. "Be-because, would it make se-sense for you to listen to me?" I didn't not not not not not scream weakly.
"Actually not. Oh, yeah, you've got a point", Pyro said and bent reality back.
Kroop: Phew. That was absolutely horrible!
Pyro: What, why? I found it quite entertaining. But my guests do seem to look like they need a rest, so, I'll end this show right here and not not wish you all a Merry Christmas!
Kroop: Oh god, not again... I really need some holidays.
Written by: Walter G. Timeson (talk)
Fiery Dino Piranha Incident Leaves Researchers Boiling
Conservationists and researchers of extraterrestrial life are calling for an investigation into the procedures of the Mushroom City Zoo following an incident which compromised their Fiery Dino Piranha specimen. Although the Fiery Dino Piranha's exhibit has been stated by zoo management to be carefully monitored for temperature and moisture levels to maintain an ideal climate for it, unknown circumstances earlier this month allowed amounts of water into the exhibit sufficient enough to permanently douse the Fiery Dino Piranha's trademark flames. Although medical professionals specializing in extraterrestrials have confirmed that the creature is unharmed, it has essentially been turned into the basic variety of Dino Piranha.
The Fiery Dino Piranha was the only known specimen on the planet, as opposed to its more common parent species, prompting the outrage. Galactic researchers have determined that, based on current knowledge, Fiery Dino Piranhas are much rarer than regular Dino Piranhas and live in habitats at a much greater interstellar distance. Fiery Dino Piranhas are only known to thrive in significant numbers in the distant Melty Molten Galaxy. They are also known to live in the Boss Blitz Galaxy, but a lack of local conservation laws has led to significant hunting of all lifeforms in that area. As a result, these developments have made it impossible to study the Fiery Dino Piranha on-world.
An official press release from the Mushroom City Zoo claimed that the cause of the incident was a "mechanical failure", which was not elaborated on further, and that they will be performing thorough checks of all of their exhibits. However, those in the scientific community are demanding a thorough external investigation, and some protesters are even calling for a boycott of the zoo. One researcher made this statement on the matter:
This is absolutely unacceptable. The negligence of the Mushroom City Zoo has resulted in a tremendous blow to the scientific community. I, quite frankly, cannot trust them to hold valuable specimens anymore. I have no doubt that an internal "investigation" will find everything to be in working order, perhaps even after some repairs and recalibration, but at the end of the day, their main concerns are going to be profit margins and avoiding controversy. Perhaps they do have the best intentions in mind, and to their credit, they have been cooperative with the scientific community to allow research of specimens such as this, but there's just too much at stake for me to give them the benefit of the doubt. An outside organization needs to investigate what really happened here, and all specimens with significance to research must be relocated immediately.
Others have taken a more optimistic approach, trying to see the best in an unfortunate situation. Another researcher had this to say:
Is the loss of relatively easy access to a Fiery Dino Piranha for research and observation a tragedy? Yes. Is it the end of the world? Absolutely not. The specimen in question, as I understand it, was unharmed, and it is not as if this was the only one of its kind out there. The most recent surveys of the Melty Molten Galaxy indicate the species is still thriving there. Transportation of a new specimen from there is prohibitively expensive, yes, but not entirely out of the question. If anything, this should be a wake-up call for increased funding for researching extraterrestrial species. Furthermore, while the whole situation is regrettable, it has provided us with a unique opportunity to study this unique aspect of the Fiery Dino Piranha's biology and may help us to better understand the relation to its parent species. For certain, extreme care must be taken to ensure something like this doesn't happen ever again, but the damage has already been done and we have to make the most of it.
The 'Shroom will continue to keep you updated as the Fiery Dino Piranha situation progresses. Until then, this has been Walter G. Timeson reporting, and I am now out of time.
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace (talk)
A Wonderful Trip to the Flower Kingdom
Welcome aboard, my dear readers, to the new and improved Sunshine Travel Guide. If you haven’t heard yet, The Sunshine Travel Agency recently joined E. Gadd Research, to assist with the collecting and archiving of information from foreign or under-researched places across the world. Plus, we also gained a large sum of coins from this partnership, so now we have a higher budget. We will be introducing new sections, more information of various points, an expanded souvenir section named Catalogue, and being the only top writer at the STA, I got a promotion. So buckle up, grab your Chuckola Cola, and let's go to the Flower Kingdom.
History
The Flower Kingdom was a relatively obscure kingdom until very recently, when it entered a golden age due to the rule of Prince Florian. The kingdom was very small, consisting only of Pipe-Rock Plateau and the Petal Isles. The kingdom was founded by a race known as the Wondarians, mages that had incredible power. They explored the surrounding areas and claimed them to the name of the Flower Kingdom.
They weren’t able to chart very far, however, as the inevitable greed set in and many Wondarians began fighting each other for power. The more kind and smarter Wondarians knew this would be their downfall, and sealed all the Wondarians' power deep under the Petal Isles. This unfortunately caused the death of the less creative and hardy Wondarians. The surviving Wondarians renamed their clan Poplins, and became one with nature.
They eventually died, but the magic deep in the Petal Isles resurrected them into new species. Many of the Flower Kingdom's unique species are descendants of the Wondarians. The most common species among these was a merge of human and flower, who named themselves after the now dead clan, Poplins. The Wonder Power caused many other changes across the land, like the appearance of Trigger and Wonder Flowers.
The new species were able to work with each other for a while thanks to a leader named Floris. They were a small, blue caterpillar creature, similar to Prince Florian of the present, who was born of pure Wonder Power. They kept peace and research, exploration, and creativity thrived under their rule. Unfortunately, he eventually disappeared, and the different species secluded themselves, and slowly became wilder over time, except for the Poplins. Recently however, a new ruler emerged, Prince Florian. The kingdom began to thrive once again, and continues to operate to this day under the values Learning and Creativity.
Excerpt from Wonderology: A Beginners Guide
Attractions
The Flower Kingdom has many areas, all offering different experiences and places, too many to go in depth, so here’s the runaround of the best holiday locations.
Pipe Rock Plateau
Pipe Rock Plateau is a Jack-of-all-Trades style area, offering thrills, fun, and relaxation, but not specifically tailored to one. Some upcoming events include: The Piranha Plant Festival, Running of the Bulrushes, and the opening of Spike Bowling. This area also has the Flower Farms, Autumn Park, and Mount Hoppo. This is the best destination for families.
Must Visit: Twilight Forest
Fluff Puff Peaks and Shining Falls
Currently being offered a combo trip, the test of strength journey. Climb up the treacherous Mount Puff, past the Outmaway Park, stopping for a rest at the Puffy Lift Cliffs, and continuing until you reach the top, which offers a view of the whole Flower Kingdom and beyond. Then take on the Trials of Shining Falls, and unlock epic skills.
Must Visit: Bamboo Spa
Sunbaked Desert
The Sunbaked Desert is known for its awe-inspiring architecture. The desert is covered with structures of all kinds, and in the center a giant palace holds many secrets, such as the Bloomp Tower, Shova Mansion, Rolling-Ball Hall, and a fight club.
Must Visit: Ninji Disco (if you can find it)
Fungi Mines and Deep Magma Bog
A trip of rich history and academics, explore the ancient ruins and meet the varied fauna of Fungi Mines and Deep Magma Bog. Many incredible discoveries were found recently, such as the discovery of Wubbas and the Dragon Boneyard. Who knows? Maybe you could discover something too…
Must Visit: King Boo’s Opera at Light-Switch Mansion
Petal Isles
The place to stop by near the end of a vacation, the Petal Isles is known to have an aura of relaxation. Swim in the calm waters, or sit on one of the many islands sprinkled across the archipelago. You haven’t known relaxation until you’ve been to the Petal Isles.
Must Visit: Honey Caves
Catalogue
The Flower Kingdom is still experimenting with the world of trade, meaning there still isn’t much an outsider can buy. However, today I would like to put the spotlight on Poplin Books, a rich bookshop holding many works from the Flower Kingdom.
One of these books is Wonderology: A Beginners Guide, a book filled with knowledge about the Flower Kingdom, and a guide to get you into the research of Wonder Flowers and their effects. Currently being offered for 200 Flower coins.
Another great informative book is The Flora and Fauna of the Flower Kingdom, teaching all there is to know about the varied species of the Flower Kingdom, like diets, antimony, habits, habitats, and history. This book goes perfectly with The Lands and Maps of the Flower Kingdom.
If you want some books on the fictional side of things, you can look at The Best Works of the Flower Kingdom, a book that collects some great stories from across the Flower Kingdom. These include Oh How I Wish I Was a Wubba, The Monster of Jewel-Block Caves, Love on the Zip Track, and the entire Hoppo Potter and Hoppo Games series.
Here's an excerpt from the ever popular Look at Me, I'm the Wonder Flower!: The Trials and Tribulations of A Wonder Flower.
It was always tough to be a Wonder Flower. You're bursting with power, with no way to use it, until KABOOM! You unleash it all at a touch and cause complete chaos. That's the fun part, but you always run out of energy, whether by it getting sucked up, or the power too strong to handle, you slowly recover and bloom in a new place.
Reviews
- "Wowie Zowie! This-a trip was wonderful! Once a-Bowser was dealt with-a, we spent our time-a relaxing! 10/10" -Mario Mario (DISCLAIMER: We are still unsure whether this was the real Mario Mario, as our interviewer said his voice sounded different, so he may be an imposter. I didn't really notice anything, but that's neither here nor there.)
- "Well, it's certainly a very interesting place, I greatly enjoyed working with the locals to explore and research, but with its immense size, it was difficult to navigate and I got lost far too many times. 8/10" -Leader of the Toad Brigade
- "It was a really creative game, with charming animations, memorable levels and enemies, and heaps and heaps of innovations, like the badge system, and Wonder Flower. You put in great enemy, sound, graphic, map, movement, and level design, throw in the ingenious badge system and Wonder Flower, then throw in the hilarious talking flower, and polish it to death, you get a truly wonderful game. Huh, the fourth wall in my office just crumbled. 9/10" -Me
Conclusion
And we reach the end of this new issue! I'm a little tired out from Issue 200, so hopefully this still reaches quality standards. It is a little lacking in humor, so I apologise for that. Contact me in the official Sunshine Travel Guide thread on the forums for feedback, suggestions, or just to tell me that all the changes were stupid and I'm a stupid person. For now, adios!
Written by: ClawgripFan9001 (talk)
Ahoy, mateys! Welcome ta the final Sport Report edition o' 2023! I be yer overgrown Sidestepper reporter, ClawgripFan9001! The festivities fer Issue 200 o' The 'Shroom seem ta 'ave finally died down fer a bit, an' The 'Shroom's writers, meself included, be tryin' ta get back into the regular work rhythm. Lemme tell ya, each o' The 'Shroom's main teams knows 'ow ta throw a good party whene'er we 'ave a milestone issue goin' on. Former Fake News Director MCD 'as given readers that were 'round fer Issue 100 an insight on what parties are like 'ere at 'Shroom HQ, but fer those that 'aven't been 'round fer when Issue 100 was launched, lemme tell ye 'ow each team o' The 'Shroom celebrates milestones issues at The 'Shroom.
Me an' me mateys from Fake News like ta keep it simple with our parties; We like ta drink Chuckola Cola, munch on the nibbles that those on snack duty bring in, an' maybe 'ave a wager by playin' a few poker games. Nothin' too special, but nothin' too simple either. All in all, the perfect party fer an introvert like meself.
Our friends o'er at Fun Stuff like ta base their entire parties 'round party games, so ye might find 'em playin' games such as “Pin the tail on Donkey Kong” or “Brick Block 'Ot Potato”. If someone 'appens ta bring along any Nintendo console that can run Mario Party games, then ye might find our friends o'er at Fun Stuff in Mario Party as well. That never ends well though, from what I've been 'earin' 'bout what went down at Fun Stuff's Issue 200 party...
Our other friends o'er at Palette Swap usually keep an artistic theme ta their parties, so ye might find a lot o' Palette Swap's staff members showin' up ta their parties wearin' a beret while sippin' on Chuckola Cola an' munchin' on nibbles that a man in a fancy suit be passin' 'round. A lot o' the conversations thrown 'round at the Palette Swap parties be based on artistic topics, so those parties be pretty chill.
Pipe Plaza parties be pretty fancy schmancy affairs where everyone wears a suit an' tie while carryin' a briefcase in their 'and. They're pretty tame parties, but maybe a bit too sorky fer me tastes. But the people at Pipe Plaza parties still be pretty friendly if ye be willin' ta spend an hour o' yer time listenin' ta a long lecture on the 'istory o' whate'er statistics are bein' covered in that month's 'Shroom issue.
Critic Corner parties be pretty tame too fer the most part, though people tend ta get a bit crabby (No pun intended, yar, har, har!) since lots o' opinions get thrown 'round there. Anton be in charge o' snack duty fer each party, so ye be guaranteed ta get the best snacks an' drinks at Critic Corner parties.
Strategy Wing parties be real fun parties, 'cause like Fun Stuff parties, ye can find people playin' games there the whole evening, though these ones be exclusively console-based, such as Wii Party, Mario Kart, or any other multiplayer games. Just don't suggest playin' Mario Party, 'cause Hooded Pitohui 'as placed a ban on Mario Party bein' played at Strategy Wing parties ta avoid the incidents that 'appen at Fun Stuff parties.
Yar, so that be 'bout everythin' ye need ta know 'bout what goes down at each o' The 'Shroom's team offices whene'er we be throwin' a party! Now that we've gotten that outta the way, it be time ta give ye the scoop on the last sports news o' 2023!
So me last quest fer sports news o' the year brought me ta Moo Moo Meadows, where I stumbled 'cross a fancy equestrian competition. Specifically, show jumpin' equestrianism. Fer those that don't know what show jumpin' equestrianism be, I shall give ye a quick rundown; Equestrians an' their 'orses try ta clear a series o' hazards that the 'orse an its rider 'ave ta clear within a predetermined amount o' time. Based on whether the 'orse attempts an obstacle, clears it an' finishes the course within the given amount o' time, they're given points, an' the equestrian with the most amount o' points by the end o' the match will be declared the winner.
Yar, so now that ye know what show jumpin' equestrianism be, it's time ta meet t'day's participants! First up, it be the Princess o' the Mushroom Kingdom 'erself; Princess Peach! Our next participant be the Princess o' Sarasaland; Princess Daisy! Our third participant be the mother o' all Lumas an' protector o' the cosmos; Rosalina! An' our fourth an' final participant be the mayor o' New Donk City an' the current fiancée o' Mario, the hero o' the Mushroom Kingom; Pauline! Each o' these ladies be determined ta try an' gather the most points an' be declared the winner o' this match! Well, let's not wait any longer an' dive straight into the match ta find out who'll be takin' 'ome the victory!
First up, it be Princess Peach with 'er 'orse named Buttons! The blond-'aired princess waves ta the crowd b'fore readyin' 'erself an' 'er 'orse fer the match. Buttons starts ta gallop t'wards the first obstacle, an' the 'orse successfully clears it! That be 'bout three points ta Princess Peach an' Buttons! The duo starts makin' their way t'wards the next obstacle, an' they manage ta clear it as well! That be 'nother three points! They then try ta clear the next obstacle, but they fail ta clear it! That be worth no points, unfortunately, an' the audience be vocal 'bout their disappointment, 'cause they be lettin' out a disappointed “Aw...”! But Princess Peach an' Buttons don't let it bother 'em fer too long as they start gallopin' t'wards the next obstacle, which be a small body o' water! Buttons leaps o'er the body o' water with all 'is might, an' 'e successfully reaches the other side without gettin' 'imself or 'is equestrian wet! That be worth 'bout six points! There be 'bout three obstacles remainin', an' with the exception o' one, the Princess o' the Mushroom Kingdom an' 'er 'orse manage ta clear 'em all! The judges start tallyin' up the points, an' Princess Peach an' Buttons finish with a total score o' eighteen points! Yar, well done!
Up next, it be Princess Daisy with 'er 'orse named Petunia! Princess Daisy be lettin' out an audible cheer ta the audience as she waves ta 'em, after which she an' Petunia start the match! It appears that Petunia don't be in the best shape t'day, as she fails ta clear the first two obstacles, much ta the audience's disappointment! Princess Daisy does 'er best ta motivate Petunia ta clear the next obstacle, so Petunia musters all the energy she can into 'er next jump, an' she successfully clears the body o' water as a result! That be 'bout six points fer Princess Daisy an' Petunia! But it appears that Petunia's energy levels be dyin' down again, as the 'orse fails ta clear the next two obstacles as well, but manages ta clear the final one! Princess Daisy groans in disappointment as she knows that she didn't get much points fer this performance, an' it shows! The judges tally up the points, an' Princess Daisy an' Petunia finish with a mere nine points! Yar, what a disappointment!
Followin' this performance, the judges decide ta 'ost a small rest break o' twenty minutes b'fore we move on ta the next half o' the performances! I decide ta use the break ta 'it the concession stand, which consists o' delicious milk and cheese sandwiches straight from Moo Moo Farm! As I find meself sippin' on some milk an' nibblin' on a cheese sandwich, I 'appen ta run into Mario and Luigi, the heroes o' the Mushroom Kingdom, an' manage ta get an interview outta 'em! Mario tells me that e'er since the bittersweet conclusion o' the Odyssey, 'im an' Luigi 'ave been livin' in New Donk City, where they be runnin' a small plumbin' business. Luigi chimes in that after the Odyssey, 'e noticed that Mario wasn't doin' well on a mental an' emotional level, so 'e figured that spendin' some time away from the Mushroom Kingdom would do Mario well, so they moved ta New Donk City. While there, Mario began ta grow closer ta Mayor Pauline, with that relationship startin' out as a friendship, an' that friendship turned into a romance, an' Mario an' Mayor Pauline currently be engaged. An' since Mayor Pauline was competin' in t'day's equestrian event, Mario wanted ta be there ta support 'er. I be interested in learnin' more 'bout Mario's involvement with Mayor Pauline, an' I thank Mario an' Luigi fer takin' some time outta their busy schedules fer an interview. Similarly, Mario an' Luigi thank me fer takin' time outta me own busy schedule fer an interview, an' we each go on our merry way.
B'fore I knew it, the twenty minute break was already o'er, which meant it was time fer the second half o' the performances ta get underway! Up next, it be Rosalina an' 'er 'orse named Saturn! The galactic princess be wavin' ta the crowd while Saturn neighs with pride, an' soon, the duo starts makin' their way through the obstacle course! The first three obstacles be cleared easily 'nough, which be worth three points each! Next, Rosalina an' Saturn also clear the body o' water, which be worth six points! The next two obstacles also be cleared easily 'nough, an' it looks like Rosalina an' Saturn be goin' fer a perfect run, but...what's this?! Yar, what an unlucky break! Rosalina an' Saturn fail ta clear the last obstacle! Still, it was a mostly good run that this duo 'ad on the obstacle course, and the judges tally up the points, after which Rosalina an' Saturn finish with a final score o' twenty-one points! Well done!
Our final performance o' the day comes from Mayor Pauline an' 'er 'orse named Shigeru! Yar, that name be very familiar fer some reason, but there be no time ta dwell on that, 'cause we be 'avin' a match ta focus on! Like the other equestrians before 'er, Mayor Pauline waves ta the crowd while 'er 'orse neighs happily! After that, they go on their mare-y way! Yar, har, har, har, har! That pun was totally intended! Anyway! Mayor Pauline an' Shigeru clear the first three obstacles properly, which once again be worth three points each! Next comes the body o' water, which be worth six points! An' it looks like the last three obstacles also be easy ta clear fer the duo, which means that Mayor Pauline an' Shigeru just made a perfect run, causin' the audience ta cheer fer 'em! The judges tally up the points, an' Mayor Pauline an' Shigeru just finished in first place with a perfect score o' twenty-four points! Congratulations!
We then switch ta the awards ceremony, where we see Mayor Pauline in first place, Rosalina in second place, an' Princess Peach in third! An' in fourth place, we 'ave a very disappointed Princess Daisy! The podium finishers gratefully accept their medals while our last place finisher receives a bouquet o' flowers as a consolation prize! Yar, once again, congratulations ta the podium finishers, an' better luck next time fer our last place finisher!
After the awards ceremony concluded, I managed ta get a hold o' the last place finisher, Princess Daisy fer an interview! Princess Daisy expressed 'er disappointment in finishin' in last place, sayin' that 'er 'orse 'ad been out o' shape a lot fer the past few weeks they 'ad spent trainin' fer this event, an' that she dunno why! Princess Daisy also added that e'er since the bittersweet conclusion o' the Odyssey, she 'ad been puttin' down a lot o' mediocre performances in sportin' events, an' I suggested that it might be because o' the shaky relationship 'tween Mario an' Princess Peach followin' the Odyssey's conclusion. Princess Daisy told me that I might be onto somethin' there, an' she vows ta 'elp Princess Peach an' Mario repair their shaky relationship so that the Mushroom Kingdom may be 'appy once more an' she'll 'opefully start performin' at sportin' events better again! Princess Daisy thanked me fer suggestin' the root o' 'er troubles with sportin' events, an' I thanked Princess Daisy fer takin' time outta 'er schedule fer an interview!
Yar, so with that, we've come ta the end o' me final Sport Report section o' 2023! 'Opefully ye enjoyed it, an' 'opefully I've brought ye some joy by writin' this fer ye! So ta wrap things up fer this year, I wanna wish ye a Merry Christmas, 'Appy Hanukkah, 'Appy Kwanzaa, 'Appy Birthday, Luvbi...'Appy 'Olidays in general, an' I'll see ye again in 2024! Take care, mateys!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 201 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • End-of-the-Year Awards • Director Election |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
