The 'Shroom:Issue 211/The 'Shroom Staff-Baked Reviews
The 'Shroom Staff-Baked Reviews
Written by: The 'Shroom Staff
Hello, and welcome to The 'Shroom Staff-Baked Reviews. We decided that, in honor of Anton's 100th issue as Critic Corner Director, the staff would look at and review our favorite topics from Half-Baked Reviews! All the Core Staff (and TPG), have selected our favorites, so please enjoy this tribute to Half-Baked Reviews.
Running a 'Shroom team
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
"Wait a minute, that's not even food! That doesn't belong in a collab based on Half-Baked Reviews! Just what are you trying to pull, Waluigi Time?" you might be thinking right now. Well, dear reader, you're correct on the first part, this isn't food! As for the second part, those of you who have been readers of The 'Shroom for a long time, or just enjoy digging through the archives (I still love Meta's redesign every time I see it by the way), may remember that once upon a time, Anton's Half-Baked Reviews was more of a general variety review section. So as a throwback, I'm going against the grain of my fellow reviewers and heading all the way back to Issue 114 to give my own take on the first thing Anton reviewed in his section ever! (Also my own food opinions are so shallow that it was a choice between writing 2-3 sentences at best to say I was here or actually do something that's hopefully worth spending your time reading.)
So, running a 'Shroom team! Being a Team Director is a leadership position that seems to go under the radar in this community. It's the big stuff like 'Shroom Director and leading the Awards and Poll Committees that get all the attention. That might have something to do with them having elections every year that we have to shill for and Team Director positions only open up every once in a blue moon. I don't know, just a hunch. But even though they don't involve being the head of an entire project, leadership positions they are, nonetheless! As far as community responsibilities go, I'd put this one on the more low-key, slow-paced side. In a typical month, you send out deadline reminders to your writers, collect all the sections you get, and get the team page assembled while making sure there's nothing to be fixed. Of course, you should probably comment on applications that are relevant to your team too, at least! Then there's the dreaded special issues - I jest, of course, a lot of effort goes into those but the end result has always been worth it as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, if you're strictly a Team Director, it's really not that bad and any extra work is usually voluntary, like writing for a staff collab like this one! It doesn't get to crunch levels or anything like that. Now if you're directing staff, on the other hand... Then again they're the ones who set the schedule for the year so I do have to ask why I put myself through that five times? All this to say, if you're interested in a leadership position in the community but you've never had one before and a Team Director opening comes up at some point, give it a shot!
I feel like I have a kind of atypical perspective on the Team Director position though, because up until this year I've always been some half of the directing staff while running Fake News. Even now, I still get strong urges to help with some of the "higher-level" stuff because old habits die hard, but Shoey and Meta haven't chased me out of the offices with a baseball bat yet so I think it's probably okay. I imagine it's a lot more casual when you only have to worry about making sure 1/6th of the paper doesn't explode instead of the whole thing, but I've never entirely acclimated to that!
As for the experience itself, I love it! I've had the privilege of working directly with a lot of great writers over the past couple of years, and it's really fulfilling to help them get their creations out there and to assist with advice or editing when they need it. Fake News especially seems to attract writers who are joining The 'Shroom or the community as a whole for the first time, so it's fun seeing what the new faces come up with and watching them improve over time. Sometimes that's helping someone unfamiliar with wiki editing to get their section formatted with proper wikicode and seeing them start to get the hang of things, having a back-and-forth with a writer who doesn't know what to do for their next section (whether that's no ideas or too many ideas to choose from - I've had both!), or giving some advice on the best way to execute someone's idea in writing. It's far from a hands-off position of simply collecting sections every month, which is good because not only does it mean I hopefully won't be replaced by automation anytime soon, but it also gives me the opportunity to interact with the fine folks around here more! Obviously the Team Director position is literally nothing without the team's writers, otherwise I'd just be putting up an empty page every month, so shoutout to all you cool people on the Fake News team! Shoutout to the rest of you 'Shroom writers too, I appreciate you a lot.
Reese's Products
Greetings, beautiful 'Shroom readers! Welcome to this edition of Rose's Quarantine Revi- no, that's not quite right...
As the hypnotist supreme has done before, I will be reviewing a variety of Reese's products for your collective enjoyment, but mostly my enjoyment. Reese's products have always been a staple candy for me, as someone who quite heavily enjoys the combination of peanut butter and chocolate flavor. Being an aficionado for as many years as I have been will surely give me a leg up in this review, maybe. Honestly, I hadn't really considered how I'd write an objective review on Reese's Cups before now, but there's no time like the present!
You might have noticed that I am not the only person reviewing Reese's products in this set. Thankfully, the wonderful FunkyK38 has opted to go for more obscure or out-there products, meaning that my subpar ass has plenty of space to review what I call "what I could grab at my local grocery store". We'll be looking at the Reese's baseline essentials here today, with maybe one or two exceptions. You'll see them when you read them.
I intended to purchase the Zero Sugar Miniature Reese's Cups, but perhaps as an act of grace from God, they never made it into my cart. If Anton requests I rectify this mistake, I will comply.
Regular Reese's Cups
Of all the Reese's Cups, this is one of them!
It's hard to know where to begin with a standard Reese's Cup. I mean, it's the standard experience, right? How do you critique what is the baseline? It's the candy reviewing equivalent of critiquing The Beatles for establishing pop music expectations. That being said, I hadn't really considered how miraculous of an iteration the regular Reese's Cup is. For one thing, it's a perfect size. A candy with this richness deserves the two bite treatment, unless you're a monster who chooses to eat these whole. I don't know why you would. Couple that with how two come in a standard package, and it's the exact amount of peanut butter chocolate candy necessary.
The experience of getting to one of these is nice too. I know the wrapper at the bottom amounts to undue waste at the end of the day, but the sensation of peeling it away should not be understated. The first bite is really pleasant, too. The ridge around the outside has a fair chocolate firmness, which makes sinking your front teeth into the more peanut butter-y center all the more satisfying. Once it's in your mouth, it tastes great! The proportion of peanut butter to chocolate is really fair, perhaps with some lean to the peanut butter. Sugary sweetness that lingers just long enough on your tongue.
All in all, it's a very strong first step, and I'd give it a very respectable 4/5.
Miniature Reese's Cups
Miniature Reese's are honestly cute, in a weird consumerist way. Just little fellas to pop in your mouth. The smaller wrappers are certainly less engaging to peel away, but it's not the cup's fault that its wrapper is so small. It's a different experience than the regular cup, but I'm not sure if it's so much worse. A smaller proportion of both ingredients all around. I do think I'd prefer a full cup in just about any instance, because that pleasant firm bite is completely missing from the equation. Still, nothing too shabby.
A 3/5 seems pretty fair to me.
Miniature Reese's Cups with Reese's Puffs
Okay, now here's an interesting one. I'm quite the Reese's Puffs fan, it's among my preferred sugary cereals. I'm a little surprised by these being put into a miniature cup, though. I didn't see any larger cups with them at the store - research shows me they exist, but I suppose I'll never encounter one in the wild...
Does this add anything to the base miniature experience? Yeah, I'd say so. The major win here is the crunch factor; crunchy is one of my favorite food textures, so I welcome the occasion to eat a crunchy cup. I'm not sure if it's enough to elevate this cup particularly high above the normal miniature, though. Also, I feel like the Puffs add a little extra saltiness to the experience that otherwise wouldn't be there. I could be hallucinating, but I feel like I can sense it. I would probably prefer having cups with Reese's Pieces in them over these, which I have had before but not recently enough to truly quantify for this review.
Anyway, miniature with Reese's Puffs is another solid 3/5.
Reese's Thins
Well, there's no bottom wrapper on these things, which is certainly a damper on the experience, but I'll ignore that in favor of the cup's good traits.
This one is also a pretty great bite of Reese's! They're definitely smaller, which means I wouldn't judge you for putting the entire thing in your mouth at once. That slimmer bite means a lesser amount of peanut butter, which might make you think that the golden proportions of the original cups are gone - but I wouldn't say so. The peanut butter still comes through, while the chocolate is allowed more presence in the overall experience. The firmness all across is a solid boon, too. This feels like the more sophisticated man's Cup, whereas standard Reese's remind you more of your inherent greasy greed.
I'd probably give this one a 5/5! A bit better than the original Cups, although not so intensely that I wouldn't take the original instead.
Dark Reese's Thins
Definitely a much different flavor profile than the original Thins, and I've struggled to decide if that's a good or a bad thing. It tastes as though Reese's is trying to convince me that I'm eating peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's or some other chain that's selling "real chocolate." If this helps you in feeling better about your Reese's intake, by all means. For me, I feel like I can have that sly sensation of slipping a quick one with a standard Thin. I'm not necessarily the biggest fan of dark chocolate outside of this context, so take that assessment as you will. If you like dark more than milk chocolate, you should probably err towards these ones.
Dark Thins get a 3/5, but that might be subject to change when I'm not experiencing the bodily terror of several Reese's Cups in my stomach.
Reese's Pieces
Let's go baby that's what I'm talking about!!
I'm a big sucker for hard shell candies. Little bits that you can crunch in your mouth, ugh! How beautiful. I maintain that peppermint Junior Mints, with that small bit of peppermint crunch in them, is one of the best candies ever made.
What does this mean for Reese's Pieces? It means they're winning! The shells are a perfect level of crunch - maybe a little softer than M&M's, on account of their insides being peanut butter. The inside is primarily peanut butter, as the shell is presumably meant to serve as your chocolate vessel. For some people, I could absolutely see the scenario in which something feels loss because of this lack of real chocolate. For me, though, I love the flavor of this straight-sugar peanut butter, and the mouth feel is more than enough to make up for the subtraction. Throwing back ten of these at a time is a real treat.
5/5. My beloved.
Reese's Pumpkins/Bats
These are functionally the same experience, so they're pairing together here. These bad boys only emerge during the month of Halloween, and they're... fine. Without question inferior to the original cup, though. Their exterior are entirely soft chocolate, which means that the firm bite is absolutely lost. Maybe if the proportions were the same as the average cup, it wouldn't feel so apparent, but the inside of the pumpkins and bats contain notably more peanut butter. What this means is a candy experience that is dominated by the soft texture of peanut butter, and this places it the lowest amongst its contemporaries in this review. Still, it's Reese's flavor, so it's not like you should avoid these things. I just think anything else on this list is probably more worth your time.
But wait they're only around in October oh no my fomo!!!
2/5
Half Pound Reese's Cups
To cap off this review, I'm going to give a nod towards a variety that I didn't grab for this process, but sticks so strongly in my brain that I feel compelled to write towards it regardless. You see, when I was little, my parents would get me the half pound cups as stocking stuffers on Christmas. The novelty of this was not lost on a little Rose, who was entirely unequipped to handle one of these in a singular sitting. Therefore, I would cut it into fourths as though it were a twisted pie, and stick it in the cupboard for later. How did this work out?
Well, I ate them when I was little, but I think a modern Rose would struggle with the half pound cup. For what it's worth, I don't recall the proportions ever being so bad. It's about what you'd expect for a supersized Reese's, simply upscaling the quantity. Probably by necessity of design, though, the shell is notably firmer than the standard cup, and I can recall corners of chocolate where the peanut butter did not reach inside, a la pie filling. I personally feel like this added to the experience, but this was quickly offset by what occurred while storing these.
My little Reese's slices got slimy. Notably so. Even just a night in the cupboard would result in peanut butter sweat smearing over the insides of the Ziploc, and although I was young and dumb, that is simply not something I could stomach nowadays. If saving this behemoth was any better, perhaps it would spare it the fate of the 2/5. As it stands, I wouldn't recommend anybody purchase one of these, unless you're really convinced you want to eat it in one sitting - in which case, I pray for your wellbeing.
2/5, womp womp.
Boba Milk Tea
In this special review, Zange tries a bunch of milk tea flavors! Watch as Zange spills the tea on boba texture and what exactly taro flavor is.
Reese's Products
For my part in our little collab, I will be taking on the subject of Reese’s products, which Anton featured in Issue 199. Reese’s have been some of my favorite candies for my whole life, although I have noticed that the recipe has changed over the years. I’ve chosen five products to review for you today, and I tried to avoid the classics and pick up a few new ones to keep this relatively fresh. I’ve got Reese’s Fast Break, Reese’s Sticks, Reese’s Big Cup with Caramel, Reese’s Big Cup with Potato Chips, and the new one that they dropped this year, Reese’s Werewolf Tracks Cups. I’m looking forward to sampling some of these… and one I’m approaching with some hesitation. Let’s dive in, shall we?
Reese’s Big Cup with Caramel
The presentation on this cup is very good. There isn’t caramel leaking all over the wrapper, as the caramel layer is on the bottom, so the paper isn’t sticky, nor did the chocolate stick to the sides of the liner when I pulled it away. As you eat around the cup, however, the caramel tends to spill out a bit more and become messy, so be prepared for caramel to get on your fingers.
Let’s talk taste, and for this one I have to apologize as I ate it right after I had burned my entire mouth eating dinner. The caramel and peanut butter together is a little strange for me. Some bites, I could only taste peanut butter, and some bites, I could only taste caramel. The caramel has an almost condensed milk-coffee flavor that I wasn’t a fan of, cloyingly sweet and a little bitter at the same time. I think a salted caramel would have worked better here, as sweet caramel on top of sweet chocolate and sweet peanut butter is way too much sweetness. I’m a little surprised that they didn’t go with a salted caramel considering how popular salted caramel is. But something salty would have complimented the peanut butter well and it’s a missed opportunity here. The only saving grace for this cup is that it is a Big Cup so there is twice as much peanut butter as a regular cup. Points for peanut butter, but I wouldn’t buy it again.
I’ll rate this cup a 2/5.
Reese’s Fast Break
This is a candy bar, and the bar I picked up was a king-sized bar. Fast Break contains a layer of nougat underneath a layer of peanut butter and is covered in chocolate. For presentation, there’s really nothing special about this one- it looks like a log of chocolate. Pretty unimpressive.
This one I liked a lot. The nougat gives this bar some chew, and it reminds me of a Snickers bar. The peanut butter flavor coats that nougat, and it makes the peanut butter last longer. There’s a lot of peanut butter here, too, at least twice as much as the nougat. I ate half of this bar cold out of the fridge, and the nougat was a little tough for my teeth like that. The other half, I let come to room temperature, and it was much better and easier on my teeth. The only complaint I have for this bar is that the chocolate around the top is a little too thin and it tends to break off and flake off when you take a bite, so you’ll have little bits of chocolate falling everywhere unless you shove the whole bar in your mouth like a barbarian.
I’d rate this bar a 4/5, would buy again.
Reese's Werewolf Tracks
Reese’s Werewolf Tracks cups are the new Halloween offering for 2024. This cup is a regular peanut butter cup with half chocolate on the bottom and half vanilla crème on the top of the cup. This one reminded me of the Frankenstein cups they make as well where half of the cup is green crème. I am not a fan of this fake crème/chocolate/whatever it is, I think it’s just sugar and no flavor, honestly. Remember when I mentioned in my intro that there was a cup I wasn’t looking forward to trying? It’s this one. Let’s get started, then.
The presentation is passable. As you’ll be able to see from my pictures, this one wasn’t coated in chocolate very well and the peanut butter is peeking through the sides. It stuck to the bottom of the wrapper, too, which is one of my pet peeves with Reese’s cups. If you can’t keep the bottom of the cup from ripping off with the paper, make the chocolate thicker. The big cups didn’t have this issue, take notes, Reese’s! Moving away from that, you can see the peanut butter center through the vanilla crème. If they had made a cutout that looked like a werewolf paw print, I would have understood but this just looks kind of anemic and unappealing. Why is this called ‘Werewolf Tracks’ again? Are werewolves white? Is this supposed to be the moon that turns a werewolf? They might have just striped it with milk chocolate and called them mummy cups instead as this werewolf theming is not doing it for me.
The taste of this cup is a big MEH. I couldn’t taste any vanilla at all, and I love vanilla. As I was afraid of, it’s just a barely flavored white candy topper, and it really doesn’t contribute anything to this cup. You will get more flavor from the top of the cup if you eat it upside down, but that doesn’t help much. It’s like the Big Cup Caramel, but with much less depth of flavor. There is still too much sweetness, and it doesn’t have that hint of bitterness that the caramel did to make things interesting. It cheapens the whole cup, really, like you’re eating a horrid cheap chocolate instead of a name-brand Reese’s, and no one wants that. Maybe I’m just projecting too much for someone who doesn’t like this junk, but I wouldn’t get this again.
I’ll give it a 1/5. Just get the pumpkins or the mini bats instead if you want to Reese’s ring in the Hallows.
Reese's Big Cup with Potato Chips
Here is my second Big Cup and the one I was looking forward to. Reese’s has released a cup with Pretzels alongside this one, and I’ve been meaning to try this one for a couple years now. The pretzel big cup isn’t my favorite, I think the big chunks of pretzels are a little too crunchy and the texture just doesn’t do it for me. I was cautiously hopeful for this one.
Presentation is good. Not as good as the caramel Big Cup, mine had a little stickage to the side of the wrapper, but otherwise it was clean. You can’t see the potato chips in the cup when you bite into it unless you really dig in and dissect it, which, why would you do that? There’s not much to say other than that.
I liked this one a lot more than the pretzel cup! The potato chips aren’t so big that you will get surprised when you bite into them, but there is a pleasant salty crunch throughout the whole cup. Everybody says a little bit of salt helps with your desserts, but in this case, it does work. The little extra salt that I’ve been wanting for the past few cups is here, and it helps add depth to this cup. It makes everything taste better and brings out the savory flavor of the peanut butter. Big Cup means more points for more peanut butter, too.
I’ll give this cup a 4/5!
Reese's Sticks
Reese’s Sticks are a “candy bar” although there are two of them in a package. It’s basically a Kit-Kat with peanut butter. Wafers with peanut butter between them covered in chocolate. As someone who loves wafers in many forms- Kit-Kats, Quadratinis, Voortman, the best!- I was psyched to try these ones.
Presentation is fine. It’s just a stick of chocolate, like the fast break. There’s no paper to stick to here, just a little cardboard tray on the bottom. Let’s move on.
These are great! Probably my favorite product of this review by far. The wafers give a good crunch, they’re not soft or smushy, and you still get a lot of peanut butter flavor. The chocolate is a good thickness, and you get all the goodness of a Reese’s and a Kit-Kat combined into one. I’m a little bummed that I saved this product for last because by the time I was trying this one, I was tired of eating Reese’s, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying this one. The only thing I’d add is maybe a little salt next time for that contrast of flavor. Lovely.
This one gets a 5/5. My personal favorite!
Cadbury and the UK Government
For as long as I can remember, I've always had a sweet tooth. It's probably because of my grandma and grandpa's strict "eat as many tiny candies as you'd like and drink as many sodas as you want, as long as it's after 10 AM" policy. So for my topic, I decided to do candy, but not just any candy; I decided to get a little fancy and do select candies from Anton's Cadbury review. Why? Because I liked my other experience with British candy, that being trying the Penguin Bars which I bought after playing through above-average platformer Super James Pond.
For the first candy, I'll be looking at the Cadbury Double Decker. I'm reviewing this one first because it's the first one that arrived from across the pond. Purchased off Amazon in a 4-pack for only $7.50, the Double Decker is a two-layered chocolate bar with a layer of rice balls on the bottom, nougat on the top, and then chocolate to hold it together.
Unfortunately, in terms of appearance, the trip to Iowa had, to use a technical term, fucked this candy bar up. I don't think it's supposed to be so mashed up or have nougat pouring out of it. But the same thing happened to Anton's, so maybe it's just supposed to look terrible? So, yeah, this does not make a good first impression. Unfortunately, I don't really know about the flavor, either. The chocolate is sweet, but it's sort of a subdued European sweet.
The rice balls don't really bring anything to the table. It's clear that they're there as sort of a filler, and while it gives a good crunch, I don't think it works with this bar. The most interesting part of the Double Decker is the nougat, but after eating the four-pack I don't know if I like the nougat! It's a weird contrast because one part is crunchy but the nougat is chewy. It's just an interesting combination. The nougat itself has an odd honey-like flavor to it. It's a very odd taste. Overall, I was not impressed by the Double Decker. It was just a weird candy with a weird flavor. If it was available stateside at a gas station, it would not be a candy I'd get very often!
Unfortunately, that is going to be the only candy I review. I had more planned. In fact, I ordered three more things from across the pond, and none of them, as of release date, showed up! So I will now be moving onto my impromptu review of the Premiership of Prime Minister Keir Starmer. It stinks, 0/10! Clearly he's in over his head and his government is floundering in inefficiency, because it shouldn't take a month to get candy bars! But it's not entirely his fault! His government is a folly in amongst itself!
Since the overthrow of King Charles, first of his name of the House of Stuart, by the plot by that Oliver Cromwell and his dastardly parliamentarians which ultimately led to the abolishment of the absolute monarchy, England has existed in a half-comical inept existence where the king's word is law but he can't speak it. It's an affront to all good sense and good government that a king should have so many powers he's not allowed to use! So I implore you, King Charles III, step up like your namesake did! Retake the power that is yours! And get me my goddamn candies!
Hot Cocoa Reviews
Written by: Hooded Pitohui (talk)
I wouldn't consider myself a picky eater by any stretch of the imagination. I like to broaden my horizons by sampling new foods and by experimenting with new flavors and mixtures. I often say that I'll try nearly anything once, and I stand by that. All of that said, once I have sampled some food, I tend to hang onto my opinions quite tightly, and they acquire a degree of inflexibility and resistance to change that leads me to often revisit a handful of favorites again and again.
Perhaps nowhere is this truer than with beverages. I'll drink juices or smoothies, a cup of coffee, a cup of tea, a rare soda, or whatever else have you, if I am offered any of those. I'm not at all opposed to drinking any one of these, but they're far from my first selection. On a typical day, I'm nearly-exclusively drinking one of two beverages, either guzzling down milk or gulping water. That said, there is one more beverage I return to fairly often, not as an everyday drink, but regularly enough to keep my cupboard stocked with its ingredients, and that's hot chocolate. It's hard to beat a creamy, sweet cup of warm cocoa as a treat to help wind down the evening at the end of a week or as a little indulgence on a special occasion.
Now, I'm in the habit of using those 8oz containers of Hershey's Cocoa to prepare my cocoa, following the directions on the back and dissolving the cocoa in boiling water before adding milk to thicken the mix and to give it some much-needed creaminess (you can get some cool information on it from Anton's own review of it in issue 168). With the breadth of Anton's hot cocoa reviews from issue 166 to issue 169 inspiring this review, though, I've decided to sample some cocoa mixes I haven't tried before. Out of an interest of budget and (mostly) what was actually locally available to me, I stuck to a couple cheaper options I was able to find in the nearest supermarket, but that still gives me a wealth of thoughts to go over with you!
Swiss Miss Marshmallow
Coming straight from Anton's review in issue 166, I started off with Swiss Miss in part because it's the brand most synonymous with hot cocoa in the US, the one to which the average American's mind probably first jumps, and also because it was abundant at the supermarkets I visited and even waiting in a dollar store for $1.25. I've never been fond of marshmallows in my cocoa, to be honest. I'll throw some in now and again simply for the novelty of it, but typically I find they become too wet and slimy as they swirl in the drink, so I was interested to see how these pre-packaged marshmallows fared.
Swiss Miss Marshmallow comes in a little packet with instructions that are about as simple as can be. Pour the contents of the packet (cocoa mix and miniature marshmallows) into a mug, heat some water (but not to boiling), pour ¾ a cup of hot water into the mug, mix, and voila. Like I said, simple. It does note you can add milk to taste if you're hoping for a richer experience, and, I mean, of course I was going to add milk, but I opted to mix a packet exclusively with water first.
Swiss Miss – Water Only
I dumped water in a pot on the stove, heated it, poured it into a measuring cup, and in turn poured that into a mug with the mix. What I first noticed were the ease with which the mix dissolved and the puny shriveled marshmallows floating about as I stirred the drink. I fully admit I came in with the preconceived notion that these packets weren't going to dissolve fully and there would be some sludgy chunks left floating in the mixture (or worse, in a big glob at the bottom), but I was pleasantly surprised to find my assumption was far off-base. There were practically no grains of the dry mix left even before I had finished stirring.
What I hadn't expected, however, was that the marshmallows would dissolve, too! There were definitely marshmallows as I stirred, as you can se to the right, but by the time I had conveyed the mug across the kitchen to my seat, they had all dissolved into the drink! Looking up reviews, I'm seeing a lot of folks complain of getting mixes that didn't contain marshmallows, and I can't help but wonder if the mixes did have marshmallows which went unnoticed because they dissolved before they started drinking.
I'm not here for marshmallows, though, so let's get into the cocoa itself. I'm going to break this down by attribute:
Smoothness: For smoothness, I'm mostly judging these based on their texture, looking for cocoa that doesn't feel slimy or sludge-y as I drink it and which avoids any other unpleasant sensations. On this, Swiss Miss hit the mark. I came away with no complaints as far as smoothness went. It's watery and that worked to its advantage, letting it slide down my mouth and past my throat easily.
Creaminess: I like my hot cocoa creamy, so I'll admittedly be fairly demanding on this point. Made with water, Swiss Miss just doesn't cut the muster. I emphasize again that it's water-y, and that means there is no creaminess whatsoever. I was basically drinking water with chocolate flavoring. Sure, it went down smoothly, but it didn't have that satisfying richness that hot cocoa should have. It didn't linger in my mouth. This was an area of disappointment, but admittedly not unexpected when making a drink with water instead of milk.
Chocolatiness: Perhaps this is the USA American in me talking, but I expect my chocolate to have sweetness. Of course, I do enjoy that little hint of stinging bitterness, but what I look for from a chocolate drink is a predominantly sweet flavor. On both raw chocolatiness and sweetness, Swiss Miss… isn't offering much. Each sip I took left me thinking "I sure am drinking flavored water" until after I had swallowed; that was when the aftertaste hit and my thoughts switched to "eck, this is bitter". Really, any hint of chocolatiness was overpowered by a consistently bitter aftertaste, which would be fine if, you know, I was trying to capture the Mesoamerican roots of chocolate drinks, but I wanted sweet hot cocoa, by gum! The aftertaste was easily the worst part of this experience, tolerable but unnecessary to accept with the variety of other mixes on the market and the alternative of preparing this mix with milk.
Residue: This overlaps with smoothness to a degree, but here I'm focused mostly on complete or incomplete dissolution of the mix and how it effects the overall taste and quality. As mentioned, the mix here dissolved completely and dissolved quickly. There was no sludge left behind, no chunks of mix floating in the drink, and to my surprise there were minimal traces of stubborn soggy mix clinging to the interior of the mug after all was said and done. Swiss Miss receives full marks on dissolution.
Value: At $1.25 to a $1.98 for a box, and with the ease and speed of preparation and clean-up, Swiss Miss offers a clear value proposition. You're not getting gourmet hot chocolate; you're getting quick and cheap hot chocolate that suffices if you need to whip up a drink for some visiting grandkids or if you need to stock the office. There isn't anything wrong with this. In fact, I'd call it a fair approach where you know exactly what Swiss Miss is offering and its price justifies the offer. My one note here is that you are not getting a full mug of cocoa out of this. The instructions say to use ¾ a cup of water, and, well, you can expect to fill about ¾ of your mug with cocoa. I looked at my mug and my first reaction was "wow, they skimped out on the cocoa". As I sipped, my reservations softened, but by the end, I just didn't feel satiated. I didn't walk away feeling like I had consumed a proper mug of cocoa. After initial bristling and a little bit of thought, I came to see the faults as part of the deal on offer here, a trade-off that I wouldn't personally make again, but that is ultimately fine in light of the low price and convenience.
Swiss Miss – Milk Only
Having now complied with the directions the mix had given me, I wanted to test how Swiss Miss fared when added to milk. Now, I concede that a strict reading of the instructions would suggest you first make the mix in water and then add milk, but I know from experience and seeing many a relative make hot chocolate that few folks follow that strict reading. What I typically see is people warming some milk on the stove and then pouring that into a mug filled with mix, so I set out to do the same to get a feel for the cocoa as it is likely to actually be served
Immediately striking was how much the mixture resisted dissolving here. After dissolving so quickly in the water-only drink, some of the mix refused to dissolve even after enduring double the stirring. Now, this is probably not the fault of Swiss Miss. As I said, the intention seems to be to mix in hot water and then to add milk, not to add warmed milk directly. The upshot of this poorer dissolution is that, this time, the marshmallows stuck around, so I can factor them into the rest of the review.
Smoothness: Despite my misgivings about marshmallows in cocoa and the swap of liquid, the smoothness didn't suffer. It still slid down my throat easily without any unpleasant sensations. I'm not entirely sure how to feel about the marshmallows, but the word I settled on was "unobtrusive". They don't get so soggy so as to feel slimy, which is a plus, but they don't add much of anything to the overall texture. They're simply so small that you don't really notice them, leaving them neither enhancing the drink nor detracting from it.
Creaminess: This is what I expect from hot cocoa. This was a much creamier mixture, one which properly lingered in my mouth and preserved the taste of the chocolate and one which not only quenched my thirst, but could also satisfy a hankering for hot cocoa. This version had a fullness to it which I could see actually satiating me, and it was a massive improvement over the water-only version.
Chocolatiness: Once again, we have a massive improvement. This time around, I could actually taste the chocolate, and it had a rich sweetness to it. If there was any kind of bitter aftertaste, I didn't detect it, the creaminess of the drink ensuring sweet chocolatiness remained predominant. It wasn't extravagantly chocolatey, and I've had cocoa with a much stronger chocolate taste in the past, but it was chocolate enough.
Residue: I was quite worried when I saw how much of the mix hadn't dissolved, expecting a sludge pile at the bottom of the mug, but there was no such thing. The mix simply didn't clump together in a way that could produce that, and in fact it clumped so little that there weren't even slimy and mushy chunks to disturb the smoothness of the drink. There were some grainy particles left in the drink, but even they didn't take away from the smoothness. In all honesty? I… kind of liked the texture they added, making for a little bit of crunch. This was only one mug, and perhaps if I prepared more, I wouldn't be so lucky, but what residue there was here enhanced the drink. Speaking on a different sort of residue, though… After I had downed all the liquid, two soggy marshmallows remained at the bottom of the drink, and this is where they became more obtrusive. They wouldn't slide out, so I had to nudge them with a spoon, which mostly caused them to slide around, still refusing to tumble out. When eventually I did get them, I regretted not just rinsing the mug and tossing them, because they were so soaked as to be mushy and slimy. That, perhaps, is the risk of the marshmallows in these packets.
Value: The value proposition is unchanged from the water-only version. This is really a matter of forking over a few dollars for milk, which isn't an issue for me since I'm constantly stocked with multiple gallons of milk anyway, in order to get a much richer and fuller drink. Assuming you have other uses for the milk so none of it is going to waste, which you probably do, it's well worth it. I wouldn't go out of my way to seek Swiss Miss out, but when I make these leftover packets, I'm definitely making them with milk.
Nestlé Classic Rich Milk Chocolate
Nestlé's Classic Rich Milk Chocolate mix boasts in its description that "the chocolate experts at Nestle make enjoying a rich, creamy mug of hot cocoa quick and easy", immediately establishing a proposition not dissimilar from the instant cocoa Swiss Miss packets. Nestlé will provide cheap cocoa you can make with minimal investment of time and effort which will still satisfy the craving for a sweet and creamy drink.
On ease and quickness, well, they don't fall short of that implied pledge. As the packets instruct when it comes to "conventional preparation", you need only to dump the mix into a mug, add 8oz of hot water, and stir. The packets are more explicit in addressing milk, positioning it as an alternative to water that can be used in the same amount. Having prepared the Nestlé after the Swiss Miss, I became curious to see if perhaps this formulation was designed to fully dissolve in milk exclusively just as well as in water.
Speaking of alternatives addressed by the packaging, in addition to those conventional preparation instructions, there were also microwave instructions. They were pretty simple, a "put 8oz of water or milk in a mug, heat it for a minute and a half, and then stir in the mix", but I suppose their inclusion is a nice bit of further acknowledgement of what Nestlé is offering. They know this isn't a "wake up on a holiday morn where you can spend time leisurely mixing hot cocoa" product, but a "there are kids running about the house and I need to make them some cocoa while being able to drop what I'm doing at a moment's notice without leaving a pot of scalding water unattended" product. I do wonder now how many poor harried souls added the mix to the mug like usual and then microwaved the blend, and how it turned out for them, but I digress. After all, I had time enough to wait for a couple pots to heat, so I forewent making any microwaved batches.
Nestlé – Water Only
The preparation here went exactly as smoothly as you would expect. The mix had no trouble dissolving into the water, just immediately disappearing after a minimal amount of stirring.
Smoothness: This went down quite smoothly. I'd give it full marks on this. It never felt slimy or otherwise unpleasant. Straightforwardly, it was exactly what a drink needed to be.
Creaminess: This wasn't the creamiest cocoa I have had, not by a long shot, but it was satisfactorily creamy. It hit that desired level of feeling rich as it passed down my mouth and of lingering long enough so I could properly savor the flavor of the drink. I'd call it moderately creamy, not so much that I feel compelled to immediately go back for a second serving, but enough I walk away with my craving for a creamy drink fulfilled.
Chocolatiness: The chocolate flavor, while not intense, was definitely apparent, noticeable, detectable, whatever word you want to use. The point is, I could taste chocolate and taste it well enough that I would be satisfied if I were craving hot cocoa. Not with every sip, but a couple of times a bitter aftertaste did assert itself, not strong enough to dissuade me from drinking but noticeable enough to get me wondering what could help the sweetness to more fully mask it.
Residue: Dissolution was complete as it could be. There wasn't a single chunk left floating in the drink, and there weren't even any crunchy granules. No slurry awaited at the bottom, either. This was just a nice, clean drink.
Value: I bought a box of eight packets for $1.98, and for the creaminess and chocolatiness offered here, that is an ideal level of value. I feel like I was given exactly what I was promised. The price was affordable, preparation was a cinch, and, most importantly of all, I finished with the feeling I had actually drank a worthwhile cup of hot cocoa.
Nestlé – Milk Only
Satisfied with the water-only preparation and generally preferring milk in my cocoa, I was eager to see how Nestlé performed with milk. The first thing I noticed was that the mix didn't dissolve as easily into the milk, a few chunks visible floating in the cocoa even after quite a bit of stirring. The visual didn't concern me so much as the actual experience of drinking, though, so I decided to go ahead and drink up.
Smoothness: This one suffered a bit on the smoothness. There wasn't anything objectionable with it, nothing that actually put me off from drinking it, just things to be noted. For one, near the bottom of the mug was a much thicker, heavier layer of drink. It wasn't sludge-y, wasn't off-putting. It wasn't anything which could raise a complaint, but was definitely a shift I became aware of as I finished the mug. I felt more of a film formed by the drink, too, that again being something which wasn't an issue so much as simply a different experience from the water-only version. Some may be fine with these traits, and some may be less willing to tolerate them, but the water-only version can deliver well enough for that latter group.
Creaminess: Now this approached a level of creaminess I enjoyed. It wasn't only sufficient, but fully satisfying, refreshing. Rich, heavy, and full in the mug with a lingering taste, this was exactly what I look for in cocoa.
Chocolatiness: While "intense" would perhaps still be overselling it, the chocolate taste and sweetness in this drink were more than merely "apparent". The milk brought out further sweetness and succeeded in fully masking any bitterness, allowing the chocolate taste to assert itself through the whole experience.
Residue: As I noted, there were a few visible chunks of clumped mix floating in the drink, but… honestly, I didn't notice them as I was actually drinking. They were simply small enough that they made no difference, neither slimy nor crunchy. Despite appearances, this drink was completely fine on residue, nothing to complain about unless having some dry mix on the mug walls really irritates you.
Value: The overall value proposition from the water-only version remains unchanged, and much like with Swiss Miss, this is a matter of forking over a few extra dollars for an improvement on your drink. The jump in quality isn't as drastic as with Swiss Miss, and switching to milk isn't a necessity for me to enjoy this brand, but I'd still say it's worthwhile to go with milk for that added creaminess.
There ends my formal review. My overall takeaway? While Swiss Miss does offer a fair deal and is straightforward in promising serviceable hot cocoa with minimal preparation and a low cost, next time I need a budget-friendly cocoa mix, I'll skip it for Nestlé. Swiss Miss made in water just doesn't shape up to be a real cup of hot cocoa for me. It's cocoa dissolved in a cup of hot water, sure, but the creaminess and chocolatiness aren't there; it wouldn't satisfy my craving for a cup of hot chocolate on a chilled winter's day. Nestlé offers the same ease at basically the same price point, and it satisfies in water and milk alike. I could definitely see myself making a mug of Nestlé's mix in milk on, say, a late December morning where I need to get out of the house before 8:00 but want a little pick-me-up.
I'll end this by noting that Nestlé's product description encourages a bit of experimentation, encouraging buyers to "add [the mix] to smoothies and baked goods or use this instant hot cocoa as an ice cream topping for a premium chocolate taste". I have yet to take any of these suggestions for myself, but in the spirit of experimentation which Nestlé promotes, I did prepare a couple extra mugs with some additions of my own. In a water-only mug, I added just a touch of salt, which drew out much more sweetness without making the drink overly-rich, making for a solid alternative to the milk-based version if you want something richer that's still light on your stomach. In a milk-only mug, I added a drop of chocolate syrup, which really brought up the chocolatiness to where I'd like it to be without affecting the balance of sweetness or the smoothness of the drink. I wouldn't make these additions to every mug of cocoa, but if ever I have a day where I'm craving a stronger hot cocoa but am in a rush, I might consider whipping these up and making those additions! Some things to consider, perhaps, if you want to make these low-cost options go even further!
Caffeine Overdose: Pumpkin Spice Edition
Written by: Meta Knight (talk)
When I was told to pick something review something immediately stuck out at me: There's coffee on this list! I figured why not, so that's what I've got for you all today. Specifically, I'll be reviewing various pumpkin spice products as was featured in Issue 151 of our resident hypnosis user. However, I decided that instead of writing a review, why not record a review? That way, I won't be a dumb-dumb that forgets my opinion on each product from place to place, especially as more time went on since trying different things. I also dragged MsRetroGeek (talk) into this, since she "loves pumpkin spice". I'm practically giving you two reviews for the price of one! Sadly, I was not able to procure every product from the original issue due to practical reasons, but we sampled a wide assortment of pumpkin-based products from various establishments. Sit back, relax, and observe us descend into the world of pumpkin spice!
Playing Super Mario 64 for the first time and then walking outside and breathing fresh air after getting unreasonably mad at a video game
I had never played the original Super Mario 64 until recently. I grew up with the DS version, which was a lot of fun, and my only exposure to the N64 game was when a friend showed me one of its major speedruns (at which point I became very confused as to how the player was able to start with Mario instead of Yoshi).
Last month I was at a friend's house, sharing old stories and catching up well into the evening. We are both gamers in the loose sense; we basically don't play video games and instead discuss them at length like the intellectuals we are. One hot take led to another, at which point he got out his Virtual Console and let me play around with the Nintendo Switch Online (mega ultra expansion) version of SM64. I ended up playing this for the rest of the time I spent there.
I'm told you have to give a lot of credit to this game for how it pioneered (and basically started) the 3D platforming genre, and catapulted the gaming industry into the new world of 64-bit 3D graphics. Or whatever. That's certainly worth pointing out - level design is fundamentally different for a game like this, at least compared to Super Mario World, so the designers had to build a lot of the principles of 3D platforming from scratch. You have features invented here that have become a part of Mario's 3D DNA, like the context-sensitive camera, timed jumps, and movement options.
However.
The game is kind of shit.
Like Anton said in his original Issue 120 review, obviously this is a decades-old game that, compared to the competition, had a lot of brilliant things going for it that outweighed its flaws at the time. But the passage of time and the innovations it has birthed have kicked this once graceful champion into the sewer. The physics system and camera are barely consistent, which is frustrating in light of the amount of precision the game asks of you in its later stages. Levels like Rainbow Ride or Tick Tock Clock have much greater punishments for missing jumps, sometimes outright killing you or sending you all the way back to the level's start. It feels unfair in the way arcade games are unfair, always looking for excuses to kick you to the curb so you end up spending more time (or money) trying to get back to were you were before you messed up.
It certainly speaks to the evolution of what a game 'should be' as the years have gone on. Here, the challenge was fighting with the control scheme, Mario never quite being where you want him to be, wrestling the camera to properly line up with the jumps you want to make. It's less about knowing which jumps to make and the timing required, it's more about figuring out how the game responds to your inputs and how to play that to your advantage. It's still fun, just in a different and kind of frustrating way, which is owed to its high skill floor (the amount of effort/practice needed to achieve a basic competency in the game's movement). Compared to Odyssey, where Mario is always doing both what you want and what you expect, the controls are effortless. The modern challenge often comes through the variety in levels and overall stage design, giving the player a very low skill floor without reducing the skill ceiling. Odyssey is no masterpiece either, but I certainly enjoyed it more. Hell, I enjoyed SM64DS more - even with a D-Pad, the controls felt a lot better. Sorry, gamers.
After I made that comment to my friend we ended up arguing for about 40 minutes if the DS version was better than the original. I won't dwell on this for fear of repercussions later on. There are some gaming opinions that no journalist should publish.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 211 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
| Specials | The 'Shroom Staff-Baked Reviews |
