List of Goombella quotes

This is a list of quotes by Goombella in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

• "You aren't going anywhere, Mr. Stinker!"
• "Hey! What do you want?!? Get away from me, freak!!!"
• "Never! I don't have anything to say to you creeps! Eww!"
• "N–No! Stop right there, you weirdos! I'll scream! Really!"
• "Like I'd go anywhere with smelly lunatics like you! Hmph! Not likely!"
• "Battle time, Mister Man! Just find a way to beat this freak of the week, OK? Don't sweat the details. Just jump on him and hit him with your hammer!"
• "Sweet! You KNOW that hurt! Wow, I gotta say, you're tougher than you look. Keep it up and you'll beat him in no time!"
• "You've got him on the ropes! C'mon! Keep whaling on him!"
• "You did it! You did it! YESSS! And you got Star Points!!!"
• "Yeah, I bet you know, but you get these things called Star Points when you win battles. When you get 100 points, you'll go up a level. Don't forget that, OK?"
• "Quick! This way!"
• "Phew! What a bunch of loons! Let's just sneak out of here, what do you say?"
• "Wow, Mister! You...totally saved me! Thanks! I have just GOT to give you a little reward!"
• "My name's Goombella. I'm a student at the University of Goom. Nice to meet ya!"
• "So, uh... Who are you?"
• "...Mario? Wait, you mean, like, that famous guy? Wow! I can't believe I met you here!"
• "Cool... Anyway, no offense, but it looks like you just rolled into town yourself. Right?"
• "Me, I already HATE it here! There are freaks and weirdos EVERYWHERE! It's nasty! I mean, I know the place is called Rogueport, so I should have expected it, but sheesh!"
• "I'd never come to a place like this if there weren't some legendary treasure here."
• "What? You're looking for the legendary treasure, too? Seriously?"
• "Whoa whoa WHOA, bucko! Whatcha got there?"
• "Omigosh! Is… Isn't that a treasure map?! You HAVE to tell me where you got that!"
• "...Princess Peach? What?"
• "Um... Princess Peach? Did he mean, like, Peach, the Mushroom Kingdom princess?!? The princess who always gets nabbed by Bowser, the Koopa king? The one you rescue?"
• "Wait a sec'! This is crazy! Princess...PEACH sent you that treasure map?"
• "Whoa. This really intense. Well, where could she have gone, then, do you think? You think maybe she got sick of waiting and went to find the treasure on her own?"
• "Oooh! Oooh! I know, Mario! Come with me! One of my professors is here researching that treasure. We'll him show him your map!"
• "If we start looking for the treasure, then maybe we'll catch up to Princess Peach!"
• "Great! We're all good, then! Let's go, Mario!"
• "This is Rogueport Plaza. It's the center of town, and the main business district. It's a crossroads where many people meet, including more than a few shady characters."
• "Anytime you press when there's no one around, I'll tell you about where we are!"
• "That's Goomther the Goomba. He's always complaining about being swindled or mugged..."
• "If you press when there's somebody nearby, I'll tell you about him or her!"
• "So? Did you get all that?"
• "First off, we gotta go find my professor. Thing is, since I just got to town myself...I, um, don't actually know where he lives."
• "Hey, by the way, Mario... Have you saved yet?"
• "You see that Save Block in front of that inn? Since we're here, you oughta save now. Just jump up and hit the block to save, OK?"
• "Hey! What's your beef, pal? YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"
• "Mario! You gotta wake up! That guy just stole half of your coins!"
• "That is SO lame! Ugh! I HATE this town!"
• "Oh, hi! There you are! Professor Frankly!"
• "Wow, yes, sir! That's me! I'm Goombella a junior at U Goom! Goooo GOOMBAS!"
• "Mario! Professor, he's Mario! You know...the famous one!"
• "We were hoping you'd tell us about the legendary treasure said to be below Rogueport! I thought that if anyone knew anything about it, you would, Professor Frankly..."
• "Archaeologists and historians have to search for truth in those fairy tales, though!"
• "Me, I believe the legendary treasure truly does exist! And I REALLY want to find it!"
• "'To find the treasure of yore, take the seven Crystal Stars to the Thousand-Year Door!' ...You mean the Crystal Stars in that old saying that super-elderly people pass down?"
• "'Hold the Magical Map aloft before the entrance to the Thousand-Year Door. Then the stars will light the way that leads to the stones of yesterday.' Yeah..."
• "A lot of the lore I've read says that is this Magical Map is taken to the doorway...then it'll show you where to find the Crystal Stars!"
• "But we DO have it, Professor! Or... Well, not 'we,' exactly... MARIO has the Magical Map!"
• "Right on, Professor!"
• "Oh, it is, like, SO sweet that you boys think I'm cute! Seriously! Yeah, guys like you make me feel like TOTALLY BARFING! Now get out of our way!"
• "Ha! Later on, losers! That felt AWESOME!"
• "Who knew the area under Rogueport extended so far? This place is a total maze! You really feel the grandness of that ancient civilization when you're down here..."
• "Well, what do you think we oughta do, Mario?"
• "So, uh... Wow. Just wow. What was THAT guy's beef?"
• "Hey, what's the deal with this weird pedestal, huh? What could it be, you think?"
• "Professor! What's going on!"
• "Professor! The map!!! And what was with all those crazy lights?"
• "You understand it, Professor?"
• "A special move?"
• "Petal Meadows?"
• "OK, fine. So we'll go there. Does anybody know how to get there or what?"
• "Y'know, Professor, there was another suspicious group asking about the same thing."
• "Aren't you coming, Professor?"
• "You got it, Professor!"
• "Well, Mario, we're off!"
• "Hey, Mario! You remember what Professor Frankly told us, right? You can press to change our attack order! If your HP drops, you can press to put me in front!"
• "Well, here we are! The Petal Meadows, where folks say a Crystal Star hides."
• "Woo hoo! Here we go, Mario! The start of our adventure! This is completely awesome!"
• "Whoa! What was that?"
• "Ooh! Is that a... Wow! Mario! Look!!!"
• "Totally incredible!... I've never seen anything that humongous before. It looked kinda scary, too. Weird... Professor Frankly said this place was peaceful."
• "Wow! Crazy! We just started and, and already there's intrigue! C'mon, Mario! Let's go!"
• "Oh! One more thing, Mario! If you ever find yourself like, wondering what to do... Just press and use my Tattle ability, okay? I might be able to look up some useful info that'll help us on our adventure!"
• "Dragon? Hooktail? That must've been that huge thing we saw earlier, Mario! So it's called Hooktail, huh? Oooooh, scary name! Pffffft!"
• "So anyway, Green Boots, have you ever heard of these things called Crystal Stars? We're on this quest for them. It's very important!"
• "A pink house? Sounds totally hideous...but it should be easy to find. Thanks for your help."
• "Ew! Are you kidding me? EW! Nice wig, you disco wannabe! Take a hike, Bozo the Dork!"
• "What a total sleaze! Let's go somewhere else, Mario!"
• "That's Koops, from Petalburg. He's got confidence issues... He's a...cringer, y'know? But he's definitely got a serious interest in Hooktail... I wonder why?"
• "OOOOOO-K... That was weird... What do you think THAT was all about? Talk about issues!"
• "What's with these numbskulls? Ow! OWWW! Watch it, Pushy! They're shoving me around, Mario! What should we do?"
• "Mario, look at that! Ooh, this isn't good. Hurry, run for it!"
• "I'll tell you why Ms. Ugly Pink-Shoe whatever thief. We're here to beat Hooktail."
• "Hey! Hey you little flirt! Who do you think you are kissing Mario?"
• "Are you like, the biggest floozy ever, or what?"
• "I'm gonna Headbonk that burglar rat if she doesn't watch it!"
• "Let's head back to Rogueport."
• "Remember Mario? 'The bearer of the Magical Map shall unfurl it before the Thousand-Year Door. When this is done, the stars shall guide the bearer to the Crystal Star with pure light.' And it didn't stop there..."
• "'Each Crystal Star shall point to the next...' That's what the books say. Which means...if we take the Crystal Star we found back to the Thousand-Year Door..."
• "Exactly! C'mon! Let's go!!"
• "Okay Mario. You're ready? Hold that Crystal Star up."
• "These are the Boggly Woods. Kind of a dreamily pretty place, isn't it? It'd be nicer if it weren't crawling with enemies... But, watcha gonna do?"
• "Wow, what's the matter?"
• "Oh, I TOTALLY know how you feel! When I go out, I'm all about the accessories!"
• "...Hey! Wait a sec'! You lost your NECKLACE?"
• "I'm having deja vu, big time! I swear, someone just said they FOUND a necklace..."
• "Using a Crystal Star to look good? You're so totally vain! You're gonna pay for that!"
• "Okay, I've just about had enough of that guy's yapping! Mario, let's take him out!"
• "Yeah, as if we aren't going to spank you for like, the tenth time!"
• "Opening the door for you? What do you mean by THAT, you total hag?"
• "Let's leave these doofuses, Mario…"
• "So, this chump is the leader of those X–Nauts?"
• "We aren't gonna let that happen!"
• "Never, ever give up! That's the most important thing I've learned from you, Mario."
• "Dear Mario, What's up? Goombella here! I'm still here working with Professor Frankly."
• "We beat the Shadow Queen, but there's tons of Rogueport lore we still don't get... So, my research with the professor goes on and on."
• "With the info I gathered from you, we have lots of great leads now, though!"
• "Mario... Like I always said, every myth contains a kernel of truth."
• "Speaking of which, know what was in the chest the professor recovered?"
• "You're totally not gonna believe me when I tell you. It's..."
• "A secret! Ha ha ha ha ha! But I'll tell you next time I see you."
• "As part of my research, I did go back to many of the places we visited..."
• "And I saw everyone we traveled with, too!"
• "Koops is living peacefully in Petalburg with his dad and Koopie Koo."
• "And, Mario... Guess what Koops wants to do, now!"
• "He wants to become mayor of Petalburg and live there in peace! Can you imagine?"
• "Still, it might just be perfect for him, come to think of it."
• "He's so much more of an adult now than when you left Rogueport!"
• "...Still, I think Koopie Koo pretty much has him wrapped around her little finger!"
• "Flurrie's back on stage in a big way, and the crowds are totally ecstatic."
• "And the play she's doing right now is the story of our adventure! Yeah!"
• "It's called 'Paper Mario'! I saw it twice! It was totally the best play ever!"
• "And somehow, Doopliss has joined the troupe as an actor! Who saw that coming?"
• "His transformation skills are serving him well, but it still kind of creeps me out..."
• "Oh, and little Yoshi? Yeah, he's fighting solo in the Glitz Pit!"
• "He says he's getting pretty close to a title match, even! Isn't that just ADORABLE!"
• "Oh, yeah, he's calling himself 'The Great Gonzales Jr.' in the ring, by the way."
• "It's sorta silly, but kinda cute, too, don'tcha think?"
• "Oh, and... Wait, I have to get this exactly right or he'll get like, SO mad at me…"
• "He, uh, said he could 'totally take you in the ring now, so bring it!'"
• "I guess he doesn't change... Isn't that too cute!"
• "Vivian's gone back to hang out with her sisters. Family is important, after all..."
• "Now that the Shadow Queen has been defeated, I don't think Beldam's into evil."
• "Oh, and Beldam also promised me she would never be mean to Vivian ever again."
• "Yup, I think the three sirens are going to live pretty peacefully from now on..."
• "But you should totally go visit her sometime."
• "Bobbery goes out to sea every day now with Cortez... I think his soul has healed."
• "I ran into him on Keelhaul Key by accident the other day, which was nice."
• "He was so happy, I thought he was going to blow up on me for a second there."
• "You know... I bet Scarlette is looking down on him and smiling right now."
• "Oh, and I almost forgot... Everyone on Keelhaul Key is well, and they say hello."
• "Ms. Mowz is still running the badge shop in Rogueport, so she's happy."
• "She comes over to Frankly's sometimes to visit..."
• "But, as usual, as soon as she sets foot outside the shop, she turns into a badge-ninja."
• "She said just the other day that she found some super-rare badge, actually."
• "That's our globe-trotting, mystery-making, flirting, little badge thief, huh?"
• "Oh, yeah... In my travels, I heard a rumor that Lord Crump and Grodus were both still alive."
• "I guess that makes them pretty tenacious baddies, doesn't it, Mario?"
• "But they've mellowed a lot, just like Beldam has, and I don't expect more trouble."
• "Plus, I hear that Grodus is just a head, which really cuts down on mischief-making."
• "Speaking of miracle survivals... Guess whose favorite calculator is still computing?'"'
• "He says he really wants to see you and Peach again!"
• "Well, I'm totally rambling at this point, so I guess I'd better wrap it up..."
• "I just wanna say, even though things got tough, I'm grateful for our time together."
• "And... There is one thing that kind of weighed on me and I never got to express to you."
• "See, I… Well… Maybe that's best kept a secret."
• "So, please say hi to Peach for me, OK?"
• "'Til we meet again! Your friend, Goombella."
• "That's Lady Bow. Wait a second! Mario! Exactly WHAT is your relationship with her?!? Tell me NOW! Hee hee hee hee hee hee! Just kidding! I always wanted to say that. But you DID go on an adventure with her, right? Tell me sometime, OK?"

Area Tattles

• "'This is Rogueport Harbor. Ships come here from all over the world! Everybody's always working their tails off down here. No wonder it's totally sweaty. Sometimes this area's all stacked high with cargo from all the ships. The water smells pretty rank, but that's like, the magic of a port town, y'know?"
• "This is Rogueport's main square. It's sorta the central shopping area, I guess. There are lots of regular working folks here, but there are also ne'er-do-wells... If you venture into the back alleys, be ready to deal with some nasty sorts..."
• "This is Rogueport's east side. It's considered dangerous here, even for Rogueport! This is Ishnail's turf. He's the leader of a band of thieves called the Robbos. Then again, you can also find Merlon here. He can help your partners level up. Still, it's definitely too rough a place for a girl like me to walk alone!"
• "This is Rogueport's west side. This is totally the friendlier face of Rogueport. Not that it's, y'know, a great place to raise a family, but it's good for Rogueport. The corner with the fountain is definitely the most restful spot in Rogueport. This area is controlled by Don Pianta, head of the Pianta syndicate... Yeah. The shop and parlor here are totally fronts for his "business.""
• "This is Rogueport Station. You can board intercity trains or blimps here. The Excess Express bound for Poshley Heights is nice and shiny, isn't it? Wow! I bet all the town kids are just DYING to ride it at least once, y'know? That blimp way over at the airfield looks super-cool, too. Blimps are awesome!"
• "'This is Petalburg. It's nice and warm here, and the air is sooo clean... Such a peaceful hamlet... There's a shop and an inn, so you buy stuff and rest. Oh, and one more thing... The river's pretty, but fall in and Nibbles will getcha!"
• "'This is Petalburg. The warm weather makes the locals laid-back and happy. Wow, and talk about unique personalities... Very... individualistic, to put it nicely. Or, not so nicely... Downright kooky..."
• "The base of the Great Tree! It sure is big up close... I mean... Wowser. Seriously. It must have watched over the Boggly Woods for over 1,000 years. That's insane..."
• "It's like another world inside this tree, huh?!? And check out these statues! They must've been left by the ancestors of the Punies. I wonder how many years the Punies have lived in this place, anyway... These are the kind of questions archaeologists have to ask, y'know."
• "This is an interesting pedestal, Mario. When the Punies stand on the panel, the machine counts them and responds. The ancient Punies must've been really sophisticated... This is totally fascinating!"
• "We're inside the Great Tree. Looks like lots of tufts of vegetation around here. Stuff could be hidden in those things, so let's make sure to check each one, OK?"
• "There's a red cell and a blue cell here. Crump must've made 'em to hold the Punies. With gaps like those between the bars, I think we could get through, though..."
• "Looks like Crump left behind lots of the equipment he used to search this tree. Ms. Mowz was here before, but I think she took the next train to Floozyville."
• "We can just jump this gap easily, but I think the Punies will totally plummet down there. If you gather them into a group and blow on them, they should all fall over the edge... But then they'll come back up in bubbles! And then you can blow them across! As for that door on the left, if you use that panel, it'll unlock it, I'm pretty sure."
• "The Punies are totally afraid of these Piders. When a Pider drops, the Punies completely lose it and bolt in every direction. You're gonna have to defeat any Piders near the path you wanna lead the Punies along."
• "We're inside the Great Tree. This area has a totally wacked-out topography. Y'know, I think Punio said something about a hidden shop somewhere in this area... If you need any items, we should try to find it, huh?"
• "This is a shop run by a Puni named Pungent. I wonder if there are any rare items..."
• "Hey, there's water running through the inside of the Great Tree! You don't think... Could this be how the tree carries nutrients from root to limb? Y'know, nature is just about the coolest thing ever."
• "This area seems to have been laid out for a special reason, don't you think? There must be something super-important hidden here."
• "This must be the most wide-open space inside the Great Tree, huh? The tree looks big from out there, but I lose all sense of dimension in here.... I could totally get lost in here for like, days..."
• "I wonder if the inside of the tree was always like this... I mean, do you think it was, or do you think someone MADE it this way? Hmmm... It's a mystery..."
• "The structure of this tree is pretty complicated. Looks like we're only gonna move on with the help of the Punies, huh? We're going to seriously need to use our thinking caps as we go forward."
• "This is a big treasure chest... The Punies must've left it... What could it be, you think? Well... Only one way to find out, am I right?"
• "We're inside the Great Tree. Grasses and other plants grow in here. Isn't that cool? You think the Great Tree is like a...host organism? Biology is just SO cool..."
• "This area makes me feel like I'm exploring a watery swamp even though we're in a tree... Water! I bet we need Koops! ...Um... Or maybe that doesn't make any sense at all..."
• "We've come down pretty far. The air is a bit colder here, don'tcha think? The technology used here is pretty insane, too. I wish I had more time to inspect it."
• "This must be the lowest chamber. Saying it's solemn here is an understatement. Under these statues' glares... I feel like the Punies' ancestors are watching us..."
• "This door was made by Crump and his cronies. It doesn't match the decor at all. As for the door, if you use the panel there, it should unlock the whole thing."
• ""Yup, this is Glitzville. It's so exotic; it feels like we're in another country! This is like an entertainment hub that attracts visitors from all over the world. The Glitz Pit is, obviously, the main attraction. That's where fighters duke it out. To the right: the Fresh Juice Shop. The Hot Dog Stand is to the left. Where to first?"
• "This is the Glitz Pit lobby. It's pretty nice, actually! Sturdily built, nice decor. And what can you say about that luxurious chandelier except... FABULOUS!!!"
• "This is the Glitz Pit itself! That's the ring in the middle. That's where all the magic happens. And by "magic," I mean brutal beatdowns."
• "This is a backstage corridor. Compared to the Glitz Pit, this is so... businesslike. There's security all OVER, so you can't just wander around wherever you want."
• "This is a minor-league locker room. It's kind of, uh... Well, it's pretty disgusting. It's totally different from the first room they showed. The old bait-and-switch... You think they make it totally gross so fighters will try harder to advance?"
• "This is a major-league locker room. Everybody here dreams of reaching the top... You can almost feel the intensity of their ambition in the air... It's weird... Speaking of weirdness, there's ALWAYS someone in the bathroom. Creepy! Y'know, it's kinda necessary to have access to a bathroom now and then..."
• "This is a minor-league locker room. It's just as gnarly as the one we were in. If you check the lockers or behind the posters, I bet there are stains and graffiti."
• "This is another locker room for major-league competitors. It's opposite the other one. Why was there a hidden room behind the lockers, anyway? What would it be used for? Mysteries are totally everywhere in the Glitz Pit!"
• "This is the champ's room. Yeah... This has to be like, the WORST decorating ever! Like that tiger-print bed... I mean, COME ON! Think Rawk Hawk designed it? Or maybe Grubba? It couldn't be...Jolene?"
• "This is the Glitz Pit storeroom. They must keep props or something in here. There's a second floor, too. If you see anything odd, don't forget your partners..."
• "This is the storeroom. There are lots of wooden crates here, that's for sure. But it doesn't seem to be in use now, does it? I mean, it's COVERED in dust!"
• "This is the promoter's room. It's fitting... It has sort of a relaxed authority, y'know? This is where the pairings for each match get decided. Neat!"
• "We're in the ventilation duct. It's really cramped in here. And musty. And dank."
• "This is Creepy Steeple. Seeing it in the moonlight gives me the willies... It looks like a ghost could pop out at any minute. No way I'm going in there. Uh... Although, I guess since YOU'RE with me, Mario, I'll give it my best..."
• "We're inside Creepy Steeple. At least the moon provides a LITTLE light, y'know? This place seems super-old, huh? I'd like to research it...as soon as it's not haunted."
• "This appears to be the Creepy Steeple storeroom. Sheesh, have a few cobwebs! I'm not so good with ghosts OR spiders, to be honest... And ghost spiders...horrible."
• "Who knew we could get down here from up there? Wow! This room's well hidden! Talk about minimal decor: one jump pad and one door. Think there's anything else?"
• "This is an underground corridor in Creepy Steeple. The flames are kinda freaky. The fact that they're burning means someone must've been here recently, though."
• "This is a courtyard of Creepy Steeple. Pretty decent breeze out here, huh? Aside from the switch, there isn't much here."
• "This is a courtyard of Creepy Steeple. Boy, that garden sure could use some love. Aside from the switch, there isn't much here."
• "The winding stair leads up to the belfry. Talk about a doozy of a climb! I mean, it's almost like the staircase is saying... "Go away. I totally hate you.""
• "This is the well's bottom... but it seems to have dried up. Which is good for us. There's a corridor leading out of here... smells like a puzzle to me, Mario!"
• "I gotta say, I'm outta ideas. I mean, you can't pull it out, push it away, hammer it... What should we do, Mario? Hmm... I got nothing. I'm thinking we probably oughta just leave it for now."
• "Who knew the bottom of the well connected to this place? This place is totally crazy. I wonder if Doopliss knew about this passage?"
• "This is an underground room in Creepy Steeple. There's a parrot here, but no people. That parrot must get pretty bored with no one around. Think he talks to himself?"
• "This is Keelhaul Key. The sun's brutal, as you'd expect on a southern isle. Blue skies... White clouds... I've always wanted to take an island vacation. Don't you just wanna yell, "Hey, stupid ocean! Look at me! I'm on vacation!""
• "This is a shantytwon built by Pa-Patch and some of the other sailors who came with us. Blue ocean, sandy beaches... A shop, an inn... You could live pretty comfily here. You'd always have to worry about harmful UV rays, though, y'know?"
• "This is a totally thick jungle. The flora in this area is unique to tropical regions."
• "We're in the jungle on Keelhaul Key. It's complex... Switchback paths and stuff... I think there's an invisible block here somewhere, so why don't you look for it?"
• "Wow, nice rope bridge, huh? I don't think I'll be looking down while we cross, though. Being able to see the water through the slats makes my belly go bleeeeeeeeah! Whoa. Hang on. I'm a little woozy. I might faint..."
• "Here are the red 'stache and blue 'stache brothers. Hey, kinda like you and Luigi! The smaller one's like you, and the taller one's like Luigi. Are they...looking at us?"
• "This is a passenger car. Orange and brown decor... That actually looks good! the passenger cabins here are numbered 3, 4, and 5, in case you forgot your numbers."
• "This is a passenger car. The green and brown colors actually work here. Wow. There are two passenger cabins here, numbers 1 and 2."
• "This is the dining car. There also seems to be a cute little shop here. Dining and shopping while watching scenery go by... Talk about heavenly..."
• "This is a passenger car. The blue and brown interior here is totally chic. The passenger cabins here are numbered 6, 7, and 8. ...But you knew that."
• "This is the engineer's car of the Excess Express. Any kid would LOVE to see this! Look at me, Mario! I"m an engineer! WOOP WOOOOOP! Hey, but driving a train is really nothing to joke about. I totally respect engineers!"
• "This is the train's roof. Look at that scenery go whipping by! Wowser! ...Look, this is no time for me to be describing stuff! These guys are so ANNOYING! They're flippy and floppy and gross and I HATE them! Let's get rid of them!"
• "This is the Poshley Heights Station. The Excess Express to Rogueport is here. This place is sooooo upscale. It's like, the polar opposite of Rogueport. You can tell that movie stars and millionaires live here. It just REEKS of cash."
• "This is Poshley Heights. It's a relaxed town that positively reeks of money. There's a very nice hotel here, too. Wouldn't it be nice to stay there sometime?"
• "That's Poshley Sanctum. I guess the sanctum grounds are used as a public square. That fountain out front is unique, huh? Yeah, but that water... I bet Nibbles would still chomp your tush if you fell in..."
• "We're on the moon! Awesome! The moon I always look up at, can you believe it? I mean, I heard they'd put a Goomba on the moon in '69, but who knew WE'D get here? Boy, nothing's impossible on your adventures, Mario! You are the COOLEST!"
• "Boy, I guess there are pretty much just rocks on the moon. I guess I knew that, but it's still kind of disappointing. Bummer..."
• "The stars sure are pretty here. I wonder if I can find my favorite constellation... I'm such a totally shameless romantic, it's not even funny."
• "There's a weird-looking building off in the distance. Why would THAT be there? Looks like we'll need to find a pipe to get there, though. So...let's look for a pipe."
• "You see the Moon Clefts that live up here? You think they live on green cheese, Mario? ...You know I'm kidding, right? I'm not that much of a cheeseball...get it? I'm still bummed there are only rocks here."
• "Hey, Mario! Did you see that? I saw a comet or something! It was all, like, "PSHOOWEE!" Should I try and make three wishes, do you think? I wish for... Hee hee hee! That's TOP SECRET!"
• "Who knew there's be such a weird building on the moon... It's kind of crazy, actually. I mean, it's got a big glass dome to keep all of the air from leaking out...What's that? Yeah, now that you mention it, I guess we were OK out there with no air to breathe...................................Yeah, I'd rather not think about that too much, I guess. Let's change the subject."
• "This is the X-Naut Fortress. This seems to be the only way in or out. The stars look really nice through these windows, but I guess now's not the time..."
• "This is a fortress corridor. An elevator connects it to the lower floors. I guess this fortress extends pretty far beneath the surface of the moon, huh? I mean, I hate Grodus, but I gotta give him some props for a pretty cool evil hideout."
• "This room looks like it was meant to store something... It's booby-trapped, I think. Not to totally change the subject or anything, but how's your memory, Mario? If you have trouble recalling the full path, you oughta leave and reenter."
• "This looks like a storage room for valuables. The crane can grab stuff up there. It should work if you set a gear in place and press those switches in order... I'm sure you can handle it. It's not exactly moon-rocket science here."
• "What's this room for, huh? I feel like I've seen that face somewhere before... Hmmm... Oh well, forget about it, I guess."
• "This room looks like it was meant to store something... It's booby-trapped, I think. If you wander off the correct path, it looks like you'll take damage, don'tcha think? Rooms like this ALWAYS have a hint, though. It's like, a law. See anything like that?"
• "This is Grodus's lab. He must have his researchers work on various potions here. I don't think we should touch any of this stuff, though... One wrong move and... KABOOOOOOOM! ...Know what I mean?"
• "This looks like some kinda teleporter. Who knows where that thing would send us! Maybe that's what the X-Nauts used to go between the moon and the earth. I think we have to switch it on and then stand on the platform to use it."
• "This looks like a lab for genetic experimentation...maybe Yux were made here. I guess they must have some pretty advanced technology if they can do stuff like that. Hey, by the way, Mario... You see up there? One of those ceiling panels is loose. Don't you have some super move or something that can get us up there?"
• "This is a changing room. I guess even X-Nauts have to change out of their uniforms... But what do they look like under those suits? I'm...not gonna think about it. There's a ventilation duct in the ceiling at one end... That's not good for privacy!"
• "This place is a bit overdone, huh? It just screams, 'Hey! I'm an evil mastermind!' I wonder if poor Princess Peach got dragged in here before?"
• "What's this room for, huh? Is it some kind of office for the X-Naut boss or what? Maybe we should give it a once-over to make sure we don't miss anything. Boy, and what's with these tanks full of Nibbles? Jeepers, that creeps me out."
• "This room looks like it was meant to store something... It's booby trapped, I think. If you stay on the tiles that were lit up, I think you'll be OK, Mario. Er... But you should totally go first, one way or the other..."
• "There are three panels here. I guess that means we need three Card Keys, huh? There must be something pretty important behind this door to have such security..."
• "This is the X-Naut factory. I think they make all kinds of stuff here. It's pretty complicated, what with the crane and the pipe, and all those gears... Maybe we should just take this room one bit at a time, don'tcha think?"
• "This is where they built Magnus Von Grapple and Magnus Von Grapple 2.0. But there doesn't seem to be anything here now... Nope. Let's go, Mario."
• "This is the computer room. This must be where Princess Peach met with TEC."
• "Wonder what this room's for? There are beds and lockers, but we can't nap here. There's nothing else, really. The weird thing is, it kind of smells nice in here, huh? Why do you think that is?"
• "This is a...shower room? I guess every evil-guy base of ultimate doom needs one... Just because you're evil doesn't meen you enjoy B.O., y'know what I mean?"

Enemy Tattles

• "That's a Goomba. Umm... Yeah, I'm one of those, in case you hadn't noticed. Ahem... It says here: 'Goombas are underlings of underlings.' ...That is totally rude! Their maximum HP is 2. They have an Attack power of 1 and a Defense of 0."
• "That's a Paragoomba. Basically a Goomba with wings. I'm jealous! Maximum HP is 2, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. You can't hammer it while it's flying, but rough it up and it'll totally plummet!"
• "That's a Spiky Goomba. ...A spiky-headed Goomba. What a creative name. That spike is super pointy, so it's better to hit it with a hammer than jump on it. Maximum HP is 2, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. The addition of the spike means you'll hurt your feet if you jump on it. Duh!"
• "That's a Hyper Goomba. Which means... Umm... It's a hyperactive Goomba. Duh! Max HP is 8, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. But if this nut goes BIZZ-ZOW and charges up, his Attack power will be 8 next turn! So you'd better wipe it out between the time it charges up and the time it attacks! And if you can't beat him, then run away, OK?"
• "That's a Hyper Paragoomba. It's basically just a Hyper Goomba with wings. Max HP is 8, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. After charging up, you'll be dealing with moves that have an Attack power of 8. Once you damage it, it'll lose its wings and turn into a regular Hyper Goomba. Not that THAT'S all that cool. Even Hyper Goombas are dangerous."
• "That's a Hyper Spiky Goomba. It's a Hyper Goomba with a spike on its head. Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. After charging up, its Attack power rises to an incredible level of 9. That's SCARY... Beat it before it attacks, or you'll be in peril before you know it, seriously. If only this book listed a way to dodge that attack..."
• "That's a Gloomba. It likes dark, damp places. Max HP is 7, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. It's stronger than a normal Goomba, so be careful. That's not a healthy color for a Goomba, but it doesn't mean it's sick or anything. So don't show any mercy!"
• "That's a Paragloomba. It's a Gloomba with wings. Max HP is 7, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. It's like a stronger version of a Parakoopa. And maybe that's all there is to it. I wonder if living down here ever makes its wings moldy? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYUCK! It's too gross to even think about! Bleck!"
• "That's a Spiky Gloomba. It's a Spiky Goomba that likes dark places. Max HP is 7, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. Its Attack is pretty high, huh? I'm sure you know this, but try not to jump on the spike. I wonder if I'd look like that if I stayed down here long enough? ...I'd rather not think about that. Are there tanning salons in Rogueport?"
• "That's a Koopa Troopa. They've been around forever! Gotta respect the longevity! Their shells are hard, but flip them over and their Defense drops to zero. And you know how to flip them over, right? Just jump on their heads!"
• "That's a Koopa Paratroopa. Well, umm... It's basically a Koopa Troopa with wings. Max HP is 4, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. I kinda hate that this guy gets to fly. Of course, you can stomp on him and he'll plunge down and be a plain Koopa Troopa. Yeah, do that, and he's ours! Stomp again to flip him, and his arms and legs are useless! Oops! Sorry, that's not true. It looks like he can still wiggle them around a bit..."
• "That's a KP Koopa. It's a Koopa Troopa of a slightly different color. Max HP is 4, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. Looks like its abilities are just like any Koopa... So he oughta be a piece of cake! Don't go easy just because you know King K, Mario... That's what friends are for!"
• "That's a KP Paratroopa. It's a Koopa Paratroopa of a different color. Max HP is 4, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. It's attacks are the same as your average, garden-variety Koopa Paratroopa. So, just do the same thing as always: stomp on it, flip it, and drops its Defense to 0. My Headbonk is pretty effective against it, too. Come on! Let's get him!"
• "That's a Shady Koopa. It's yet another member of the Koopa family tree. Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 1. The difference between them and other Koopas? They can attack from their backs! And, when they flip back up, their Attack gets boosted and they go totally ape! ...Wow! That's pretty tricky! No wonder they're called Shady Koopas, huh?"
• "That's a Shady Paratroopa. It's a Shady Koopa with wings, obviously. Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 1. Knock off its wings and it's a Shady Koopa. Unlike typical Koopas and Paratroopas, its Attack jumps when it flips off its back. This also says it has a move that hits you and your ally at once. Is that possible? Uh... I guess the best thing to do is just beat it quickly after we flip it."
• "That's a Dark Koopa. It lives in dark places that the light never reaches. Max HP is 8, Attack is 4, and Defense is 2. It's a bit tougher than a regular Koopa, so you won't be able to beat it easily. But, it DOES have the same weakness as a regular Koopa. Flip it over and it's helpless. Why do you think it needs sunglasses down here, anyway? What's the point?"
• "This is a Dark Paratroopa. It lives in dark, damp places. Max HP is 8, Attack is 4, and Defense is 2. It's strong, but otherwise just like other Paratroopas. It's airborne, so try to ground it first."
• "That's a Koopatrol. A Koopa Troopa who protects himself with spiked armor. Max HP is 6, Attack is 4, and Defense is 2. It attacks with its shell and with its head, then sometimes charges up for a fierce move. Plus, if you take too long to win, it'll call reinforcements. Yeah, sorta gnarly, huh? It's one of the worst of Bowser's guys. Koopa Troopas dream of being Koopatrols. ...Hey, and by the way, what do you think Bowser's doing now, anyway? Eating?"
• "That's a Dark Koopatrol. These guys just totally ooze toughness, don'tcha think? Max HP is 25, Attack is 5, and Defense is 2. After it charges up power, its next attack will be devastating. Try to survive it. It's almost like those red eyes are there to warn you just how tough it is... Or maybe it just doesn't get much sleep..."
• "That's a Dull Bones. Sort of a skeleton thing. It was a Koopa Troopa...once. Max HP is 1, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. These creeps throw bones to attack. Oh, and they build reinforcements, too! Attacks that can strike multiple Dull Bones at once are the most effective."
• "That's a Red Bones! A little TOO red, I think. No fashion sense, y'know? Max HP is 5, Attack is 3, and Defense is 1. Unlike your average Dull Bones, even if you pound it to 0 HP and it crumbles... It totally might revive! Like a zombie! My advice is to get rid of all the Dull Bones, then attack the Red Bones. Oh, and one more thing! Once its friends start to fall, it may create some more!"
• "That's a Dry Bones. It's a former Koopa whose spirit animates its bones. Eeeeeek! That's so freaky! Max HP is 8, Attack is 5, and Defense is 2. When its HP goes down to 0, it collapses into a pile, but it'll eventually rise again. Fire and explosions will put a permanent end to it getting back up, though. A Dry Bones will sometimes build friends if it feels it's outnumbered. If you don't take them all out close together, they'll just keep coming back. Let's wipe them all out at once, and quick! These things totally freak me out!"
• "That's a Dark Bones. It's the baddest of the Bones gang. Max HP is 20, Attack is 5, and Defense is 2. When its HP goes down to 0, it collapses into a pile, but it'll eventually rise again. Fire and explosions will put a permanent end to it getting back up, though. Its HP is high, so it's hard to take it down. Like any other Bones, it sometimes builds friends if it feels outnumbered. It's a pretty tough enemy. You better take it and its buddies out all at once."
• "That's a Hammer Bro. You know him. He throws hammers. Hence the name. Max HP is 7, Attack is 4, and Defense is 1. When his HP drops and he thinks he's in trouble, he'll toss a hammer barrage. Nothing about these guys has changed: they're tough as ever, so brace yourself! Dang! This book always skips the important stuff! How do they carry endless hammers!"
• "That's a Boomerang Bro. This relative of the Hammer Bros. prefers boomerangs. Max HP is 7, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. He attacks twice with his boomerangs: on the way out AND on the way back. When his HP starts getting low, he fights all the harder. Prepare for multiple attacks!"
• "That's a Fire Bro. This relative of the Hammer Bros. spits out fire. Max HP is 7, Attack is 3, and Defense is 1. If you get hit by a fireball, you might catch on fire, so guard well, OK? When his HP gets low, he gets desperate and starts attacking like a fiend."
• "That's a Lakitu. It's a member of the Koopa clan that rides on clouds. Max HP is 5, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. It attacks by throwing Spiny Eggs. If you stomp on it while it's holding up a Spiny Egg, you'll take damage, so DON'T do it! Spiny Eggs slowly hatch into Spinies, so beat the Lakitu before fighting the Spinies. Aw, this book doesn't answer my real question: where does it keep all those Spiny Eggs?"
• "That's a Dark Lakitu. It rides a rain cloud. Max HP is 13, Attack is 5, and Defense is 0. It attacks by throwing pipes at you. If it's holding up a pipe when you jump on it, you'll get hurt. And sometimes the pipes it throws turn into Sky-Blue Spinies. Whoa! If you only attack the Spinies, you'll never win, so go after the Dark Lakitu!"
• "That's a Spiny. Basically a spike-covered Koopa. Ugh! Looks painful! Max HP is 3, Attack is 3, and Defense is 3. These things have such high Defense that you can't even hurt them when they roll up. So, when they go back to normal, do all the damage you can, and do it quickly! If you flip them over, their Defense drops to 0. THAT'S the time to take them out. Jumping on them is just plain stupid, so try using a POW Block or some other item."
• "That's a Sky-Blue Spiny. It appeared from a pipe thrown by the Dark Lakitu. Max HP is 6, Attack is 6, and Defense is 4. It'll totally charge at you! Sometimes it balls up to defend and store energy for an attack. If you can, beat it and any buddies it may have with a special attack."
• "That's a Buzzy Beetle. Awww... It's kinda cute! Max HP is 5, Attack is 3, and Defense is 4. It's got pretty good Defense...and fire and explosions don't hurt it whatsoever. But, if you jump on it, you can flip it over and drop its Defense down to 0. Then it's at our mercy! Ha! Don't hesitate! Jump! Jump! Jump jump jump!"
• "That's a Spike Top. It's a Buzzy Beetle with a spike on its back. Max HP is 5, Attack is 3, and Defense is 4. Like other Buzzies, fire and explosions have absolutely no effect on it. But, you can flip it over to drop its Defense to 0! I'm sure you know this already, but try not to jump on it. That spike hurts."
• "That's a Parabuzzy. A Buzzy Beetle with wings. Max HP is 5, Attack is 3, and Defense is 4. I guess those stats are just like a Buzzy. Fire and explosions seem to have no effect, so don't bother, OK? If you flip it over, its Defense goes down to 0, so jump on it first."
• "That's a Spiky Parabuzzy. It's a Buzzy with a spike and wings. Max HP is 5, Attack is 3, and Defense is 4. Hey! The same stats as a normal Buzzy! Fire and explosions don't work on Buzzies, in case you've forgotten. ...And this one flies in the air AND has a spike. What a total pain. So...you'd better use an item or a special move."
• "That's a Red Spike Top. It's the most well protected of the Buzzy Beetle species. Max HP is 5, Attack is 3, and Defense is a whopping 5. Yup... This guy is HARD! It has really high Defense, and fire and explosions don't hurt it at all. If we can just find a way to flip it over, its underside has a Defense of 0... And that spike... What a pain! There's gotta be a way to flip it over..."
• "That's a Magikoopa. Y'know, a Koopa wizard. Max HP is 7, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. It'll throw a load of pain our way while using magic to help its buddies. What a creep. And when there's only one of them, it splits up into multiple copies to mess with us. Stop this thing fast or we'll be in a world of hurt!"
• "That's a Red Magikoopa. It's a Koopa wizard dressed in red. Max HP is 7, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. Besides using offensive magic, it can also use magic to boost Attack and Defense. When it's alone, this wizard will use magic to multiply. The fact that you can't tell which is the real one after it multiplies is super-annoying. I have to say, though, that shade of red is definitely NOT its color."
• "That's a White Magikoopa. It's a Koopa wizard dressed in white. Max HP is 7, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. It attacks with magic and can replenish its allies' HP. Better hit it first, huh? Oh, this also says it'll use magic to make copies of itself when it's all alone. ...Which is totally lame, 'cause then you can't tell the real deal from the copy!"
• "That's a Green Magikoopa. It's a Koopa wizard dressed in green. Max HP is 7, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. It has magic attacks and can also magically electrify allies and make them invisible. Oh, this also says it'll use magic to make copies of itself when it's all alone. ...Which is totally lame, 'cause then you can't tell the real deal from the copy!"
• "that's Kammy Koopa. She's an evil old witch who's always helping Bowser out. Max HP is 50, Attack is 5, and Defense is 0. She uses magic to raise her Attack and Defense or get electrified or invisible. When her HP gets low, she may also use magic to restore HP. Her magic is totally annoying, so take her out before you focus on Bowser. Still, you gotta feel for her, having to hang out with Bowser all the time... Or do you think Bowser has a harder time enduring her?"
• "That's Bowser! But what's he doing here?!? My mind just blew a fuse! Max HP is 30, Attack is 3, and Defense is 1. He's uglier than I expected. He's got a poisonous bite, so watch out! It'll make your HP decrease gradually. Also, if he ground pounds you, you won't be able to use one of your commands! Just focus your attention on beating him down, Mario!"
• "That's Gus. He's super-annoying and tries to take tolls from everyone. Max HP is 20, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. All in all, he's pretty tough. Oh, and I've told you a million times...that pointy spear of his hurts if you stomp on it. I wonder if this guy watches people pass 365 days a year. Talk about a workaholic."
• "That's a Dark Craw. Yikes. What a ghastly-looking spear-thrower. Max HP is 20, Attack is 6, and Defense is 0. Wow, that's some serious Attack power. You don't want to jump on it if its spear is pointing up. 'Cause that...would hurt. For a run-of-the-mill spear-tosser, he sure looks like he's got a POINT to make! Ha ha!"
• "That's a Bandit. This scumbag tries to bump you and grab coins. Jerk! Max HP is 5, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. If you time your guard well when he attacks, he won't be able to steal anything. Plus, the look on a Bandit's face when you guard successfully is priceless. If a Bandit steals coins from you, defeat him before he flees to get your coins back."
• "That's a Big Bandit. Basically, a boss among ordinary Bandits. Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. Unlike other Bandits, he'll steal your items as well as your coins. Totally weak! If you guard well when he charges at you, he'll blow by without stealing anything. If he robs you, you won't get your item back unless you beat him right then. He'll run!"
• "That's a Badge Bandit. He's a Bandit who'll go after your badges. That jerk! Max HP is 12, Attack is 5, and Defense is 0. He has high Attack power and HP. He sometimes steals a badge when he tackles you, so use your Guard carefully. And even if he gets one, keep your cool, OK? If he runs from the battle, you can always find him and reengage him."
• "That's a Spinia. A totally weird creature made of thin, papery boards. It certainly looks unique. Nobody knows much about these creatures, actually. Max HP is 3, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. Its attacks are super-swift, but it should be pretty easy. Just give it a 'Hee-YAAA!'"
• "That's a Spania. A Spinia with spikes on its head. It looks meaner, too. Max HP is 3, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. So, sorta the same as a Spinia. You oughta watch out for the spikes on its head, but otherwise, just whale on it. I gotta be honest, though, the way that thing spins makes me wanna yack."
• "That's a Spunia. Its body is made up of springy discs. Max HP is 12, Attack is 7, and Defense is 2. It may not look like much, but it's pretty tough. It won't come at you with anything too weird, so just hang in there, OK?"
• "That's a Fuzzy. What a hyper little guy, huh? Cut back on the caffeine! Max HP is 3, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. Those things suck up your HP and use it to replenish their own! Isn't that the worst? I mean, EW! Doesn't that just sound totally gross? Anyway, guard against them by pressing the MOMENT they release you. The timing is pretty hard to master, so, uh, practice up! These things really suck...HP."
• "That's a Gold Fuzzy. Whoa, those are super rare! I'm serious! Wow! Max HP is 10, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. Oh, but hey! Even though it's a Fuzzy, it won't suck up your HP, which is nice. I have to wonder though... How does this thing hide? Look at it! It's so gaudy!"
• "That's a Green Fuzzy. As you can see, it's a Fuzzy and it's green. Duh! Max HP is 5, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. This is similar to a normal Fuzzy, so it replenishes its own HP as it sucks out ours. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... That is just the grossest thing ever. ...If you don't find that idea gross, seriously, there's something wrong with you. The main difference between this and other Fuzzies is that this one multiplies. You know, I bet this thing would look great sitting next to a Gold Fuzzy."
• "That's a Flower Fuzzy. Wow, what a totally pretty Fuzzy, don'tcha think? Max HP is 6, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. This thing attacks by boinging in and sucking out FP. How uncool! We need FP! Once it charges up its own FP, it uses magical attacks. Better beat it before it does. Oh! I just got it! It's a Flower Fuzzy because it sucks your FP (Flower Points)! Duuuuuuh! Hee hee!"
• "That's a Pokey. It's a cactus ghoul that's got nasty spines all over its body. Max HP is 4, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. Look at those spines... Those would TOTALLY hurt. If you stomp on it, you'll regret it. Pokeys attack by lobbing parts of their bodies and by charging at you... They can even call friends in for help, so be quick about taking them out."
• "That's a Poison Pokey. As you probably guessed, it's a poisonous Pokey. Max HP is 8, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. If you get poisoned, your HP will slowly drain, so you may want to avoid that. I'm sure you can see this, but they have spines all over, so DON'T touch them. They may be smiling, but that doesn't mean they're happy to see you!"
• "That's a Pale Piranha. You know about these guys. The famous Piranha Plants. This colorless subspecies is adapted to Boggly Woods. Ah, the wonders of nature! Max HP is 4, Attack is 2 and Defense is 0. If you try to jump on them, they'll totally chomp on you."
• "That's a Putrid Piranha. It's a poisonous Piranha Plant. That color is totally sickly... Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. It bites, AND it attacks with super-rank poison breath. Breath mint, table four! If you get poisoned, your HP will slowly go down, so, y'know, try not to."
• "That's a Frost Piranha. It's a cool customer with strong ice powers. Max HP is 10, Attack is 5, and Defense is 0. Its biting attack sometimes freezes us, so try to immobilize it first. It's weak against fire attacks, too, so use them as well."
• "That's a Piranha Plant. In fact, I think this is the strongest type of them all. Max HP is 15, Attack is 9, and Defense is 0. Its Attack power is absurdly high... It may look like a normal Piranha Plant, but don't be fooled! It's super-tough! If we get beaten by a flower, we'll never hear the end of it, know what I mean?"
• "That's a Crazee Dayzee. It may look totally cute, but it's a serious foe. Max HP is 7, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. What you gotta worry about is its lullaby. That tune will totally zonk you out. If you manage to guard well, though, you may not pass out. Try to learn the timing. Oh, and when its HP runs low, it runs away, so try to KO it one fell swoop."
• "That's an Amazy Dayzee. This mystical Dayzee is like, the rarest thing ever. Max HP is 20, Attack is 20, and Defense is 1. Since it has such high HP and runs away really quickly, it's almost impossible to beat. Plus, its lullaby has massive Attack power, so if we're low on HP, we need to scram. You gotta think hard about whether to fight or bolt."
• "That's a Pider. ICK! They gross me out. Max HP is 5, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. EWWWWWWWWW! Besides its normal attacks, it might spit three web-wads at you consecutively. You'd better have good timing if you wanna guard against its attacks. It also says here that the Punies can't stand Piders. So I'm not the only one! Just the sight of these things make Punies flee in terror. I know how they feel!"
• "That's an Arantula. It's a spiderlike creature that lives deep underground. Max HP is 16, Attack is 7, and Defense is 0. Yeah... It's pretty tough. It'll spit web-wads at you. Sometimes it even attacks several times in a row. That coloring freaks me out. ...I'm kinda scared of spiders. So let's do this quickly!!"
• "That's a Swooper. I bet they call it that 'cause of the way it swoops around. Wow! That's some AWESOME naming work. Seriously! It's pure naming genius!!! So, anyway... Max HP is 6, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. Says here it hangs from the ceiling. If you can just damage it, it oughta drop off the ceiling. And then you can whack it!"
• "That's a Swoopula. An airborne, bloodsucking, batlike thing. Max HP is 9, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. As if losing HP wasn't enough, this little creep adds yours to its own! How totally, totally gross! Don't let it bite me, Mario!"
• "That's a Swampire. It's a feared health-sucker that hides in the darkness. Max HP is 20, Attack is 6, and Defense is 0. It sucks health from its prey to add to its own HP. And that...totally grosses me out like you wouldn't believe. If you let it feast on you, its HP will get really high. Focus your attacks on it!"
• "That's a Dark Puff. It's basically a tiny, mean thunderhead. Max HP is 3, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. Sometimes it'll charge itself with electricity. Don't touch it when it does! Yowch! You know what I mean, right? Brzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt! Shocking! After it charges itself, it'll totally zap you with lightning. Beat it as fast as you can."
• "This is a Ruff Puff. Don't confuse them with Dark Puffs... Although, I don't think the world would end if you DID confuse them, but anyway... Max HP is 7, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. They swoop at you or charge themselves with electricity before unleashing lightning. Oh, and if you touch them while they're charged, you'll get a shock!"
• "That's an Ice Puff. It's a mean snow cloud that appears in cold areas. Max HP is 9, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. It swoops down and uses cold breath to attack. Trust me, it's NOT refreshing. That cold breath can freeze us, so try to avoid it. Also, if we touch it while it's storing cold energy, we'll get hurt. Isn't that super weak? They're vulnerable to fire, so let's try that, maybe."
• "That's a Poison Puff. Basically just a puff of poisonous air. Max HP is 15, Attack is 8, and Defense is 0. Its poison-gas attack is 10! These things charge you, but they also save up toxins and poison you with them. Scum! Plus, you can't touch them when they're saving up toxins or you'll get hurt. Lame!"
• "That's a Boo. It's everyone's favorite ghost. ...Well, most everyone... Max HP is 7, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. It's nothing to write home about on the Attack side, but it can turn invisible. If it turns invisible, we won't be able to hit it, so beat it while you can see it. Boos are kinda cute, but I sure wouldn't want to meet one in a dark alley. If I ran into one in the bathroom in the middle of the night, I'd... Well, never you mind what I'd do."
• "That's an Atomic Boo. It's a giant Boo made up of a ton of smaller Boos. Max HP is 40, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. This thing will try to smoosh us. It can also split up and send hundreds of Boos at us. And, when we attack, we might get so scared that we get confused or can't move. I sure wouldn't want to see this thing standing behind me in the middle of the night... Creeeeeepy..."
• "That's a Dark Boo. Purple just looks...so wrong. These Boos are SO creepy. Max HP is 8, Attack is 5, and Defense is 0. Its HP and Attack are high, but they're just like ordinary Boos otherwise. So, just attack it like a purple Boo. Get it before it turns invisible!"
• "That's an Ember. Sort of a pale-blue flame spirit. Kind of spooky. Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. Of course, since this thing is a flame, touching it will hurt. Didn't Mama teach you that? Looks like it's susceptible to ice or explosive attacks, though, so that's something. If you get hit by a flame attack, you'll catch fire, so try to guard well."
• "That's a Lava Bubble. It's a flame spirit. Max HP is 6, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. Its HP and Attack power may be different from an Ember's, but otherwise it's the same. Since it's made of fire, try not to touch it, 'cause it'll burn you. Apparently, it's vulnerable to explosions and ice attacks. Oh, and if you get hit by a flame attack, you might catch fire, so guard well."
• "That's a Phantom Ember. It's an angry spirit born of hatred and confusion. So, um... I'm not too cool with this thing! B-B-B-B-Bleck... Max HP is 10, Attack is 5, and Defense is 0. If it attacks you with spirit flames, you'll catch on fire. Let's send this ghoul back to the grave, OK? P-P-P-P-Please..."
• "That's a Bald Cleft. Basically, a rock monster with a swarthy-looking face. Uh... This is kind of mean, but bald guys...really just don't do it for me. Max HP is 2, Attack is 1, and Defense is 2. Yeah. This guy is rock solid. Fire doesn't even hurt it. It might be best to attack with, say...a POW Block."
• "That's a Hyper Bald Cleft. Like Clefts and Bald Clefts, this is also a rock monster. Max HP is 3, Attack is 2, and Defense is 2. This hyper version can build up its energy, boosting its Attack to 8 on the next turn. It has low HP, but its body is rock-hard and impervious to fire, making it super-tough. It says here that item attacks are pretty effective. Beat it before it goes hyper!"
• "That's a Cleft. A rock-head jerk with spikes on his noggin. What a rocker! Max HP is 2, Attack is 2, and Defense is 2. That hard head is a major pain. Fire doesn't hurt it, but other types of items are pretty effective, usually. If nothing seems to work on it, you can always just run."
• "That's an Iron Cleft. That guy is SCARY. Period! Max HP is 6, Attack is 4, and Defense is...UNKNOWN?!? What's WITH this book? It says no attack will work against Iron Clefts! It says nothing in the world is as hard as an Iron Cleft, so its Defense is impenetrable. If that's true, the only way to beat one is to whack it with the other one... Running away may not be a bad idea at this point."
• "That's a Hyper Cleft. It's basically a Cleft that uses charged-up moves. Max HP is 4, Attack is 3, and Defense is 3. When it charges up, its Attack power rises to 9. Couple its rock-hardness with its ability to charge up...and things get scary. If you're confident, you may want to try doing Superguards to send its attacks back... If you can't, you'd better use some items, or you'd better hightail it out of here."
• "That's a Moon Cleft. It's your basic Cleft living on the moon. Max HP is 6, Attack is 5, and Defense is 5. Defense is high, as usual...and fire attacks don't work against it. If you can turn it over with an explosion, though, its Defense goes down to 0."
• "That's a Bristle. ...Totally covered in spikes. They're so prickly! Max HP is 2, Attack is 1, and Defense is 4. AND they're impervious to fire. Even trying to get close enough to whack it with a hammer is dangerous! Seriously, its spikes will totally pop out! So, since you can't jump on it or use your hammer...you'd better use an item!"
• "That's a Dark Bristle. It's an ancient creature made of rock. Max HP is 8, Attack is 8, and Defense is 4. You can't jump on it because of its spikes, and you can't approach it due to its spears. AND its Defense is high. You'd better take it out with special attacks or items."
• "That's a Bob-omb. It attacks by blowing itself up. Yeah. Reeeeeeeal smart. Max HP is 4, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. A Bob-omb will get totally mad if you damage it. They have like, super-short fuses. When it gets mad, it'll charge and explode on its next turn. THAT attack...really hurts. Oh, and if its mad, it'll blow up at the slightest contact. So don't attack directly! Attack it from a step away with a hammer or hit it with something hard, like a shell."
• "That's a Bulky Bob-omb. I think it's like other Bob-ombs...but it's huge! Max HP is 6, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. It's weird... It never attacks, but once its fuse is lit, it'll blow up on its own eventually. I don't mind it taking itself out of the battle, but that explosion hurts us, too! Oh, and when it powers up, that Attack power is 8, so watch out! Fire and explosions light its fuse, so I guess setting it off early is one strategy... You can run, too, but if you're gonna fight, beat it before it goes off!"
• "That's a Bob-ulk. That's...easily the biggest Bob-omb I've ever seen! Max HP is 10, Attack is 4, and Defense is 2. It won't attack, but once its fuse is lit, it'll explode after a while. So the problem is...how to beat it before it goes off. I mean, its bomb attack has a power of 16! That's no joke. Seriously, watch out for that. Just go all out to beat it. Pull out all the stops. Or you could just set it off early with fire or explosions. Your call."
• "That's a Chain-Chomp. I'd hate to get chomped by those teeth. They look nasty. Max HP is 7, Attack is 6, and Defense is 5. Its body is hard, so most attacks won't do much. Plus, you can't damage it with fire and ice attacks. You can freeze it, though. Luckily, it has low HP, so you can take it down with a special move or an item. Chomp-Chomps are like, so super-pumped all the time. Don't they ever get tired?"
• "That's a Red Chomp. It's a rabid, red, biting, chewing, chomping fool! Max HP is 6, Attack is 5, and Defense is 3. It's attacks are so powerful, we could be in a world of hurt if we don't beat it fast! ...Which is why it's really, REALLY lame that its Defense is so high. Its HP is pretty low, though, so items and special moves might just work... Just look at that color! Think someone painted it after it fell asleep at a party?"
• "That's a Bill Blaster. It's the cannon that shoots Bullet Bills. Max HP is 5, Defense is 2. It doesn't attack directly, but shoots Bullet Bills at you. I know the Bullet Bills are annoying, but take out the Bill Blaster first, trust me. Arrgh! How many of those things will it shoot at us?!? YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!"
• "That's a Bullet Bill. It attacks after being shot from a Bill Blaster. Max HP is 2, Attack is 4, and Defense is 1. Take care of it quickly, or it'll totally whale into you, mosh-pit style! Use those Action Commands and take it out!"
• "That's a B. Bill Blaster. It fires Bombshell Bills. Sorry about the abbreviation. Max HP is 10, Defense is 4. It's really, really tough. Yeah, hard to hurt this guy. Thing is, if you don't take it out, it'll keep shooting Bombshell Bills at you. So, you gotta find a way to beat it, and fast!"
• "That's a Bombshell Bill. B. Bill Blasters shoot these things repeatedly. Max HP is 3, Attack is 6, and Defense is 2. Its Attack is high, but its HP is low, so take it out before it takes YOU out! Then again, if you focus on these guys, you'll never win. Smack that B. Bill Blaster!"
• "That's a Dark Wizzerd. It's a part-machine, part-organic, centuries-old thing. Max HP is 10, Attack is 5, and Defense is 2. It uses magic to attack and to alter your condition, so stay on guard. If there's only one left, it'll multiply itself to confuse you. I know they look totally goofy, but they're actually pretty tough enemies."
• "That's a Wizzerd. It's a part-machine, part-organic, centuries-old thing. Max HP is 10, Attack is 6, and Defense is 3. It uses magic to attack, heal, and alter your condition, so stay on guard. It's Defense is high, but we can totally take this thing!"
• "That's an Elite Wizzerd. This is the top of the heap for half-machine organisms. Max HP is 12, Attack is 8, and Defense is 5. You can probably guess this, but it uses various magic moves in battle. And, if it's alone, it'll create illusions of itself. It has no real weakness. So just use whatever you have to beat it, OK? Let's go, Mario!"
• "That's a Blooper...and a really super-humongous one, too! EWWWW! It's all slimy!!! I just can't STAND slimy, nasty, icky things. G-R-O-S-S, gross! Max HP is 12, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. It attacks with tentacles and ink. Once you damage both its tentacles, it'll fall down... And then it's attack time! By the way, the tentacles each have 3 HP. Now relax and house on that slimy, nasty Blooper!"
• "That's Hooktail! Max HP is 20, Attack is 5, and Defense is 1. It'll stomp and munch on you, and it has a more dragonish attack: stinky, fiery breath! It's tricky, especially when it's losing, and it'll try to fool you into being merciful. Oh, yeah, and one more thing. It hates things that start with 'cr' and end with 'icket'. Supposedly, there's something related to that somewhere in this castle. Did we find it?"
• "That's Gloomtail. I think he's Hooktail's brother. I see the family resemblance... Max HP is 80, Attack is 8, and Defense is 2. He'll bite or stomp you, and he may also breathe poison on you. Great. When his HP gets low, he may throw in some other attacks, as well. Wouldn't surprise me. especially watch out for his megabreathe move, 'cause the word is, it's GNARLY! He also store power for some attacks, so use Vivian to hide to avoid those."
• "That's Bonetail. He's the oldest brother of Hooktail. ...So old he's just bones, in fact. Wow. Now THAT'S old! His body's Max HP is 200, his Attack is 8, and his Defense is 2. He has various breaths that might confuse us or put us to sleep. When his HP gets low, he'll recover...or reanimate, as the case may be. He's probably stronger than the last boss, seriously! Let's do this right!"
• "That's Rawk Hawk! He flips, flaps, and slaps! ...That's what the book says. Max HP is 30, Attack is 3, and Defense is 1. He's really good at aerial maneuvers, but other than that, he's pretty...meh. One thing you should know is that Rawk Hawk NEVER fights above the board. Carelessness leads to lifelessness, y'know!"
• "That's Macho Grubba. He's Grubba all souped-up on Crystal Star power. Max HP is 60, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. His attack pattern is simple: first he increases the number of times he can attack... Then he powers himself up with all sorts of crazy, power-uppy moves. So, it's pretty important to pay attention to how he's powered himself up. The craziest thing about this muscle head is that he used to be that chubby Grubba. I guess the Crystal Stars really ARE powerful!"
• "...??? Wow, how totally bizarre... This thing isn't listed in here. There's a monster in here that looks like this thing... But it doesn't list a name. Max HP is 40, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. It's apparently really good at transforming itself and other things. Maybe it used that power to turn the villages into pigs! This thing is a real jerk!"
• "That's Cortez! He's the dreaded pirate spirit who haunts the island! Max HP is 20, Attack is 4, and Defense is 1. His HP might seem low, but he's a spirit, so even when his HP hits 0, he'll come back! Plus, he has tons of different attacks. He's as tough and scary as he looks. I'd say just keep damaging him, and sooner or later he'll go down for good! Let's give this tormented spirit some eternal rest!"
• "That's a Smorg. Lots of Smorgs gathered to create this huge monster. Max HP is 50, attack is 5, and Defense is 1. It attacks with tentacles. Defeating the tentacles will drop the body's Defense to 0, making it easier to attack. The tentacles will regenerate, but use that time to deal a ton of damage, OK? It may also take other forms with higher Attack powers. I don't really know. Let's just hurry and beat this thing down so we can save those trapped passengers!"
• "That's an X-Naut. Says here it's classified as an 'enemy combatant.' That description stinks... You think it means they're just low-level foot soldiers? Max HP is 4, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. They drink these potions that make them all big and burly...then they attack! One's easy, but if there's two or more, better watch out! Use special moves and items!"
• "That's an X-Naut PhD. Guys like this invent all the annoying things we fight. Max HP is 9, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. He likes to throw beakers of chemicals. The chemicals do all kinds of stuff, like making things huge or burning people. He may also use potions to heal himself or make himself impossible to hit. X-Naut PhDs are REALLY annoying, so take them out before they boost themselves."
• "That's an Elite X-Naut. This guy is the creme de la creme of the X-Nauts. Max HP is 10, Attack is 5, and Defense is 1. He'll use regular attacks as well as boosting his power or size. Elite X-Nauts are tough, but you just have to smack away until they go down."
• "That's a Yux. Says here that it's a creature created in the X-Naut labs. Max HP is 3, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. According to this, attacks and items won't affect it if it has Mini-Yux around it. So, if any Mini-Yux appear, take those out first. Duh!"
• "That's a Mini-Yux. A creature made to protect a Yux, it can split into two. Max HP is 1, Attack is 0, and Defense is 0. These twerps are the reason you sometimes can't do any damage to the main Yux. They're a pain, but you HAVE to beat them before the Yux. Flurrie's pretty effective..."
• "That's a Z-Yux. It's a genetic improvement on the original Yux. Max HP is 7, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. Multiple Mini-Z-Yux will appear to protect the main unit, as you'd expect. Sometimes they also restore HP to the main unit, which really burns me up! It doesn't have much HP, but those barriers often protect it from attacks."
• "That's a Mini-Z-Yux. It lives to protect the Z-Yux. There can be as many as 4. Max HP is 2, Attack is 0, and Defense is 0. If you don't clear these guys out, you'll never be able to attack the Z-Yux. Using a multiple-strike attack to take them out all at once is a totally good idea. I mean, I respect them for protecting their...whatever, but they get NO mercy!"
• "That's an X-Yux. I hear this is read as 'Cross'-Yux, not as 'Ex'-Yux. Anyway, this is a new Yux designed to protect extra-important areas... They were designed to be unbeatable. They're not. Max HP is 10, Attack is 3, and Defense is 1. It can produce two Mini-X-Yuxes at once. AND, it has an excellent success rate of immobilizing opponents. We gotta do something about that if we're gonna win."
• "That's a Mini-X-Yux. It lives to protect the X-Yux. Up to 4 can guard the X-Yux. Max HP is 1, Attack is 0, and Defense is 0. You can't attack the main unit until you clear these annoying pests out. So use multiple-strike attacks to take them out all at once!"
• "That's a Grodus X. It protects Grodus. Max HP is 3, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. This guy is no problem on its own, but Grodus's Defense goes up for each of them. When he has four surrounding him, we won't be able to damage him at all. So let's dish out some hurt to them while we pound on Grodus. Got it?"
• "That's Magnus Von Grapple. It's a giant robot built by the X-Nauts. Lord Crump drives it. Max HP is 30, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. Its most effective attack is one that takes advantage of its size: a smothering stomp. It can also shoot out its fists, which do these super-gnarly rocket punches. Its fists have Max HP of 2, an Attack of 4, and Defense of 0. Its fists are super powerful, so it's best to knock them down fast. The thing about this robot is I can't tell if it looks cool, or really, REALLY stupid..."
• "Ah! Magnus Von Grapple 2.0. The upgraded version of Magnus Von Grapple. Max HP is 70, Attack is 6, and Defense is 2. Its basic attack is a drill that drops from above. It also sometimes releases its fists for flying X-Punches. Each X-Punch has a Max HP of 5, and Attack of 9, and a Defense of 0. When those fists are flying, you may get attacked by the fists and body in one turn... Take care of those low-HP fists early on, trust me. When the body's HP gets low, it'll also fire machine guns and who know what else. It may not look too different from the last version, but it's much stronger, so be careful! I still think the whole design is a little ridiculous, though..."
• "That's Lord Crump. Not this guy again... Ugh. Max HP is 30, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. He just attacks normally, so don't worry much about him... But...those X-Nauts all around him are a force to be reckoned with. They're going to attack us with all kinds of weird moves, I can just FEEL it! If we take out their leader, though, they won't have the focus to attack. Get Crump!"
• "That's Grodus! He's the head of the X-Nauts who kidnapped Peach. Max HP is 50, Attack is 7, and Defense is 1. But...when he has Grodus Xs surrounding him, his Defense will go up by that number. He may also use electricity, fire, and time-stopping magic. That doesn't sound good! Still, he's a totally weird guy. Why's he so intense and serious all the time? I guess we don't have time to worry about that. Let's beat him and find Peach!"
• "That's Beldam. She's the oldest sister, the leader of the Shadow Sirens. Max HP is 9, Attack is 1, and Defense 0. But her blizzard attack has an Attack of 2. She can make her partners big and make us tiny, and attacks with weird magic. The worst thing about her is that sinister snicker! She sounds so totally evil! I mean, she's just the sort of person you want to avoid like the plague, y'know?"
• "That's Marilyn. She's a Shadow Siren. Beldam's younger sister. Max HP is 12, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. She charges up her attacks occasionally. Says here that she's the toughest of the sisters, so it might be best to defeat her first, huh? Other than that, she doesn't have any particularly outstanding characteristics."
• "That's Vivian. She's the youngest of the three Shadow Sirens. Max HP is 10, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. She doesn't seem all that noteworthy. Uh... She is kinda cute, I guess... She might even be cuter than I am... I guess... ...Uh... What am I thinking?"
• "Omigosh, what happened? I can't believe Peach got possessed! That's AWFUL! Now she's...the Shadow Queen. The demon that destroyed this town 1,000 years ago. Max HP is 150, Attack is 7, and Defense is 0. She'll unleash big lightning attacks. She'll also use magic to raise Attack and Defense, or to absorb HP... She might even try to drag us into the darkness... I don't feel good about attacking Peach, but we have to do SOMETHING! Don't think of it as Peach! We just have to fight to the end! C'MON!!!"